The Mind of Spaz

Thinker of topics not thought of. Taker of stances not taken. Clairvoyant to the point of stupidity. Monopolizer of conversations. Giver of atomic wedgies. All this and more, The Mind of Spaz.

Duuuuude…..

Via: Medical Billing

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Here’s another interesting infographic that they are paying me to put up.  Awesome! Sorry guys, been busy lately. So other people are being creative for me. Awesome!!

Via: Online University

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There’s some people paying me to show you all about blood! Can you believe it? Anyways, here’s in infographic about blood. Enjoy!

[Source: Medical Assistant
Schools]

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I’m not telling you where I heard this. I can’t tell you where I heard this or how personal my experience was.  I can’t keep quiet about it either, it’s just too….juicy?

Justin Bieber isn’t a girl.

I know, I know, it’s a shock, right?  That’s what I was thinking too. Then I thought that if Justin Bieber isn’t a girl, then he’s GOT to be gay, in that pre-pubescent “I’m not confused about my sexuality because it’s totally clear when I grow a pube I’m gonna be a homosexual” kind of way.

That’s not the case either, he’s just really effeminate like so many meterosexuals of today.

Toronto has a well known celebrity district.  I happened to be there this weekend, walking around, taking in the sites, looking for b-list celebrities to make fun of because as an Engineering Technologist I make more money than them, when I saw something. Something unmistakable.   It was Justin Bieber and Angelina Jolie.  No shit, no joke!

My first thought was to whip out my camera and go all Papperazi on their ass’s. I should have done that because I hear these kind of pictures go for thousands.  But they were in an alleyway talking, all hush hush.

You see, it seems Angelina had thought Justin was an impoverished street kid because of his disheveled appearance and lack of proper haircut.  So, she took him into her home, fed him and bathed him.  Of course, one thing lead to another and bathtime turned into fun time when she saw he wasn’t actually an infant.

They were discussing the results of a pregnancy test she just peed on in the alley.

Yes, celebrities would pee on things in an alley. They do the same things that you and I do when we’re drunk, my friends.

So basically what I’m saying, is that I think Justin Beiber may have got Angelina Jolie pregnant!  No shit.

Now run my pretties, to the deepest and darkest corner of the interwebs with this info. Run!

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Not too long ago, my parents downsized their house. It was about time too – that 3000 square foot monstrosity of a McMansion was too big for them, me and my sister, let alone them for the past 12 or so years. So now, instead of a house four times the size of mine, they have a house only 2 1/2 the size of mine.

‘Downsizing’.

Anyways, as part of their move my old man spent upwards of my yearly salary redoing the house.   Part of that was the kitchen, and guess what?  I got the cabinets. Not that I’m complaining. These cabinets are only 5 years older than I am, instead of the ones I have which are 35 years older than I am. In other words, a significant improvement.

So, with hope in my heart, a gleam in my eye, myself and my hired contractor set off to redo the kitchen using the old/new cabinets.

As an aside, good quality floors are a flipping FORTUNE nowadays. What the hells with that? I asked the guy if for that price it would blow me.  He said he’d blow me. I said ew no thanks. He said it’ll still be $711.21 for the floor.  Bastard.

The contractor I have is good.  Really good. He knows what he’s doing I tell you. He’s the retired fire chief, works for my parents, has a lot of years of experience, and is damned spry for a 65 year old. There’s only one problem.

He farts.

Now, ordinarily that would be no issue whatsoever. I like farting myself. But you know, it’s ALL THE TIME. When he bends over. When he gets up. when he leans to one side or the other. When he uses a drill, or a saw, or a screwdriver, or sighs, or goes up the stairs, or goes down, or goes inside, or goes outside, he farts.

And they are long. And they stink. And they are wet.

It got so bad the other day that even when he wasn’t farting, he smelled like fart. I believe that’s because he sharted himself.

Regardless, I can suck it up. Because he’s a great contractor and he’s cheap. And lets face it, when he’s gone I can air out the house. Might take a week or two, but I’ll have a new kitchen AND a house that doesn’t smell like fart.

Win.

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