Stick a Lemon in That Thing.
Today, I’d like to talk about penis’s. Penis’s and vagina’s. Vagina’s and women. Penis’s, in vagina’s, in women. And women’s mouths.
That came out pretty damned dirty, didn’t it.
But what this is really about is misconceptions. See, just like with religion, politics and nerds, there’s always a small group of very loud people speaking on behalf of the whole. This includes a select group of women.
These women are in the complete minority, but speak so loudly as to make every man think he has an itty bitty teeny weeny bump of a penis.
Hey, don’t get me wrong. There are guys with a hard on that resembles a bic disposable lighter. Yes, you might find a few acorns in the bush, but they are as rare as guys with monster pythons. You’ll find those guys in either porno or as medieval naked jousters.
Most men out there are normal sized. Normal size works well. It works even better when you know how to put the motion in the ocean for longer than a minute.
But this group of loud, obnoxious women, that ruin it for everyone and makes men self concious about their special little dagger, these women are sluts.
They go from man to man to man to man, each time complaining about how they keep finding men who have itty bitty little pork swords who just can’t satisfy them in bed.
Come on now ladies. You should know the statistics. Most of these men are average. If most men are average sized, do you know what that means?
Ladies: The problem isn’t the men, the problem is YOU.
All these men aren’t tiny. You’re just loose. Your vagina is a huge, echoing cavern without a bottom.
So do us all a favour. Recognize that your fun hole could house a family of possums. Recognize that the majority of men have normal sized penis’s for normal sized vagina’s, of which you do not have. Shut your frigging yap, and do one of three things:
- Do pornography, where most of the men have huge schlongs to fill your black hole of fishy death
- Be up front with the man. Tell him you have a giant vagina that needs a huge cock to fill it. Weed out the guys that can’t fit your disgusting sloppy hole, it’ll be better for everybody in the end.
- Stick a lemon in that thing and hope it puckers down to normal size.
Thank you, that is all.
DAMN HONEY! Who you been fuckin? A yetti?
dana’s last blog post..NO LONGER CHRISTMAS. NOT NEW YEARS YET. WHAT’S ON TV?
Just in case: Yetti = Sasquatch. You know. The abominadable one. Sign me as “showroom new with tight steering”
dana’s last blog post..NO LONGER CHRISTMAS. NOT NEW YEARS YET. WHAT’S ON TV?
“Black hole of fishy death”
Ha ha ha ha epic!
I don’t know what to believe nowadays. I read an internet article that says women don’t really care about penis size and then I read in Ralph that it matters to them 50% of the time. Honestly, I’m insecure about my weiner regardless of what my exes say. I can’t really tell if it’s small or big. That’s why I train my tongue too.
Iron Pugilist’s last blog post..Previously On… The Fists Of Despair
Spaz, oh Spaz, what the hell am I going to do with you? I agree about the penis size. If you know how to use it, It’s fine. Women have GOT to do Keigels. That is all there is to it. If we are good at the muscle control then it’s better for us and of course if we are real good you swear you’re getting a virgin but with the experience. One more thing, if you put both hands in and can’t clap then you know it’s tight!
ettarose’s last blog post..Are You Funny?
“…is a huge, echoing cavern without a bottom. et al”
Laughing my butt off Spaz!
You either missed your calling or you’re one hell of a fun guy to be around at a party!!
A++
Kevin John’s last blog post..Ode to the Holidays
dana: I only fell in once
IP: If you can use a cheerio as a cock ring, it’s small
ettarose: Your right. How I do love a good penis squeeze
Kevin: I work for $80.00 an hour, if you care to hire me.
I just have one question…
Do you own a big car?
Did you know they sell little weighted marbles that you are supposed to shove up inside and hold in place to train your muscles? Those are Marbles! If a whole damn lemon fits inside you might want to consider the reconstructive surgery.
Knight’s last blog post..The Holidays – A Break?
Tink: I already have a garage, thanks
Knight: Not having a vagina myself, things like tampons and marbles to train your pussy muscles are outside my realm of knowledge.
Also, if you are using lemon wedges you should be ok already
LMFAO Where have I been? I can’t believe I just found you!!
Seriously, I thought I was going to spew Pepsi all over my keyboard.
I must say that I totally agree with you. There is no such thing as a “too small penis”, just “too large vagina”!
AngieSS’s last blog post..Suddenly Seeking “My Gays”!
Lay down your fluff lowly wench for it is I…Sir Wants-a-Lot! Here for your service and mighty pleasure. Only to bespeak the beauty of the sow mine eyes behold. Aghast! My heat seeking moisture missle shant deploy until thy lotus is upon thy breast…
Try it that way cowboy!
Happy New Year to you too.
Angie: I think you misdirected the THRUST of the entry! hahahaha!
Red: Titty fucking is only fun for one person
Hungry: Another year, another negative 10g’s
What???? Spaz you actually got women to visit AND comment???
On this post??????
I either want their phone #s or- if all else fails,
I will bow to you. In hopes of a better future.
Kevin John’s last blog post..Ode to the Holidays
It’s like throwing a hot dog down a hallway for men when they sleep with those kind of women.
Well that is the word on the street. I am not talking about myself. Just to be clear.
lbluca77’s last blog post..Pathetic loser party of two
This was fantastic. I will stop buying these dignity pills that I get via SPAM and feel proud of my BIC lighter!
Selfdeprechaun’s last blog post..The Jerry Maguire of Dry Cleaning
I’m not braggin’ but every woman I’ve ever paid to have sex with tell me I’m the biggest they’ve ever seen … and they’re the professional experts … they should know.
Practically Joe’s last blog post..Let’s Talk
Kevin: Only the women with a sense of humor. The other kind (to be clear, the other 90%) aren’t the cool ones anyways
lbluca77 – Well, just like most men, most women are average. Although some have above average muscle control. mmmmmmmmmmm
Selfdeprechaun: You might not have a bic lighter. See Joe’s comment below yours for what to do.
Joe: You are correct! Always go with the experts
HA! Awesome post. I’ll be sure to make my way back here often.
TOPolk’s last blog post..The Party’s Over
At the risk of sounding sexist, isn’t that why women have two holes? One for everyday use and one as a backup in case of a blow-out?
Oh my.
Take that ladies. Or should I say owners of an echoing cavern without a bottom.
Chowner’s last blog post..What I would be thinking if I were John McEnroe before playing a match overseen by an umpire who knew I had slept with his wife.
Size matters not – Yoda