Yea, I have a guy for that.
I hope everybody had a happy Christmas. Or Hanuka. Or Kwanzaa. Or Satan’s day, or whatever it is that you celebrate.
Hey, I won’t judge. But if you insist on slaughtering that goat, I’d appreciate if you didn’t do it in front of my nieces and nephews and took it to your basement or something. I’m looking at you, Satan day people! Oh you’re so wiley!
For christmas, my parents got me a “collect our mail and shovel our driveway while we’re gone”. Isn’t that nice of them? Whatever. They’re coming home to no food in their freezer or cupboards. My grocery bill has gone down to zero ever since I started stealing their food. The nicest part is eating steaks instead of hot dogs. Man, rich people sure know how to live!
We got a lot of snow. I mean a LOT of snow. If snow was cocaine you wouldn’t be hearing from me right now. I’d be getting treated for my deviated septum on my yacht. The white stuff was EVERYWHERE. I spent most of the weekend shovelling my driveway.
Monday rolled around and I got to my parents place. Because I’d been busy with my own thing, the snow had accumulated. There was almost two feet on their driveway, and the snowplough had created a scale version of the Andes moutain range at the end of it.
So, I took the shovels out of the back of my truck and set to work. An hour in, and I had cleared the moutain range and most of the walkway. You see, my parents live in a McNeighborhood, with their own McMansion and a giant 18 car McDriveway. This is the neighborhood of decadence. So their decadent neighbor came outside to watch me shovel.
The guy could NOT get over that I was clearing the driveway with a SHOVEL, myself. He asked me incredulously why I didn’t have a guy for that.
A GUY for that.
It must be nice to live the sheltered life of a rich guy. A guy to shovel drieways for me?
Right. I have a guy for that. Just like I have a guy to cut my grass, mow my lawn, do my gardening and clean my house.
When I told him I also had a guy to wipe my ass, he got all pissy and left.
Whatever.
I continued to shovel my parents drivway on to his. He can get his guy to come clean it off.
Douche.
I had a lovely Satan’s day this year. We didn’t slaughter a goat because they are pretty expensive thanks to the recession. We just slaughtered the youngest of the family instead. We figured they would get expensive as well.
That whole shoveling thing must suck.
Douche?? Sir!
I take great umbridge with that remark young man! All I asked was a very simple question: ‘Why are you here?’
You sir, may have your good parents fooled, but I know you come over only to gaze helplessly at my beautiful 24 year-old (former model) wife who was swimming in our indoor glass-enclosed pool as you sit in that rustbucket of a tin can you call a ‘car’ or steal glances whilst you are getting your underarms sweaty from manual labor. You are a disgrace sir!
May I also add sir, I that I was not in the least impressed with your yellow artwork in the snow in front of my garages.
Barbarian!!!
You will be hearing from my guy lawyer in the near future sir!
Good Day sir.
Kevin John’s last blog post..Ode to the Holidays
I don’t understand why he got all upset either.
I wish I had people to do that too. Luckily (?) where I live, our sidewalk is nonexistent, chunks of concrete in between the grass, so I usually skip the shoveling. Why shovel grass? No, our landlord’s good, but the borough, not so much.
Unfinished Rambler’s last blog post..Funking Out in Every Way in Charm City
Some people have no sense of humor! To bad for your parents’ neighbor you have a twisted one.. but it’s good for a laugh for your stalkers!
dizzblnd’s last blog post..Take Cover!
I’d rather have a girl for that. A blonde skinny one with a great ass. From some European country like Belarus or Latvia. I’m not rich but I’d go broke for one.
Iron Pugilist’s last blog post..A Plague Of Thoughts
There’s always the politically correct conversation concerning the “fact” that there are no differences between races. It’s politically correct to be ignorant. “The ARE differences”. But THE biggest difference is the one that belongs to the rich.
THEY . ARE . DIFFERENT. To be SO rich that you lose sight of facts as they exist for the other 80% of the world goes beyond belief.
That is why I will never, ever support a system whereby only the really rich can afford to be elected. Having never seen the inside of Walmart or Krogers, how can they represent the majority?
Ow!! You rattled my cage!
dana’s last blog post..WHY THERE’S NO ONE IN HELL
We don’t get snow, but I used to have a guy to dig trenches for me. It didn’t work out.
diesel’s last blog post..I’m a 2008 Weblog Award Anomaly! Er, Nominee!
I never shovel the snow. It’ll melt…might be June…but it’ll melt. Meanwhile just take the helecopter from the roof…
VE’s last blog post..VE can write these commercials too
Knight: People are cheap to make. As our huge population shows. Good on you for helping!
Kevin: Does your lawyers last name end with “Stein” or “berg”?
Rambler: Concrete chunks ruin shovels, anyways.
Dizz: My twisted sense of humour get’s me fatwah’d alot. Even by people who aren’t Muslim.
IP: It’s all the same in the dark, my friend
Dana: Not sure where that came from but I’m poor(ish) and my skin colour is the same as the rich guys. One of the things about the country in which we live is that we have the opportunity to do whatever we want, unlike other countries. All you have to do is work for it – and that’s what I’m trying to do. The food in my fridge, my little tiny post war house, my car, my lawnmower, they’re all earned by my hard work.
diesel: Trench warfare doesn’t work so well. See WW1.
VE: OR you can take the hovercraft! They go over snow.
Actually Spaz,
Dana hits the truth head on,but this is suppose to be funny so Spaz in commemoration of your talent I have dedicated part of my current post to you! Peace out dog.
(Shamless plug).
Kevin John’s last blog post..
Rich people suck almost as much as satanist…
I’m just sayin.
I hope it’s not too late to wish you a Happy New Year, sore back and all! Did you develop Shovel Muscles yet? LOL!
We just have mostly ice here lately, a giant dangerous skating ring in the city. Fractures, anyone?
technodoll’s last blog post..I’m sorry to report that…
LOL… Poor bloke… I pity him…
I got a guy … who cuts my hair.
I know it’s not quite the same thing.
I’m just sayin’.
Practically Joe’s last blog post..Let’s Talk
Well, I’m sorry you feel so bad about this, but I for one HAVE “a guy for that” and I don’t feel guilty in the least. Hey, maybe you should get yourself a husband too! hehehe
AngieSS’s last blog post..KFC Can KMA
Satan’s day rocks. That when I sacrifice no I mean deflower virgins.
I see your parents do have a guy for that.
I’m with Angie, get yourself a husband and you’ll be shovel free. You do have to do naughty things to him as payment though. Win win really.
The apartment complex here has people for shoveling snow, lazy bar stewards didn’t bother though, wankers!
Mik’s last blog post..My project – Grail Diary
I have a guy that I give Arby’s roast beef sanwiches to. Put some of those in your parents fridge. Whoa!
I haven’t got any snow. It’s cold as hell but the snowstorms pass us by and dump it all in Utah. It’s only what they deserve.
So, I don’t have a guy to shovel snow or wipe my ass. At least a guy I PAY to do those things. Heh.
Hail Satan!
Becky..Absent Minded Housewife’s last blog post..I made it through the wilderness…
Huh.
I always figured you for someone who had a guy.
moooooog35’s last blog post..Here’s to Hoping for Incision-Free Balls in 2009!
My “guy” is a Belarusian honey also. She does everything I want. Get one yourself here
.
Ha ha ha… touche!
Iron Pugilist’s last blog post..Thought In My Head
Hey Mike,You can borrow my guy. He is good for nothing anyway, he was “sick” all summer seems like and he could not mow the lawn better yet I’ll pay you to take him. hehe
Chan’s last blog post..Let Me Be
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