Trimming the Hedges
The other day I was taking a piss. That’s not too unusual. I do that probably about forty times a day.
Sausage in hand, draining the main vein, pretending to put out the Hindenburg and just plain playing target practice on imaginary enemies, my eyes turned to my pubes. I thought to myself, man, that thing looks like a friggin afro or something.
Really. It was big. I mean, it wasn’t so big that I couldn’t find the weiner for the trees, I’m no moooooog. It was just damned bushy.
This kid's head has got nuthin on my pelvis.
My eyes then caught my beard trimmer. I looked down at the bird’s nest, back to the beard trimmer, and back to the birds nest. Before my mind knew what was going on, my hand grabbed the trimmer and went to town.
Next thing I knew, the toilet was full of hair and the front of my pelvis was bald.
Little spazzy looked much bigger. In fact, the only way he could look any bigger was if I painted him black.
I don’t know why I did it. I will say that having the base of little willy exposed to free air felt good, really good. Kind of like if you let your hair grow too long then get it shaved off. Exposed to the breeze.
But why? Why did I do it? I mean, it seemed like a good idea at the time. I don’t have a girlfriend, so keeping neat and clean down there is purely optional. It’s not an option if I do have a girlfriend. I mean, if I expect her to shave then I’ll return the courtesy. The difference of course is that she doesn’t floss when she goes down on me if it’s not shaved, but I’m not a hypocrite in any way.
I did forget the natural consequence of going to to bare wood, especially if your trimmer isn’t the sharpest at the time.
I’m still trying to explain to our new student at work that I wasn’t coming on to her when she caught me scratching my groin with great gusto. I’m also explaining that to her lawyer and the cops.
Oh well. Some good did come out of it.
Thanks for the hair transplant spaz! I'm forever in your debt.
‘Nuff Said
MIKE, you are I don’t have to many words to express all I want to say.
Seriously, I am Clueless how to comment.
hehe
Chan’s last blog post..Friendship Uncensored
One word for you….Neosporin. It works great for razor burn,and stops the itch too! Just a helpful hint!
thinkinfyou’s last blog post..The Gift Of Technology
Spaz, you’re just that, a Spaz. Did you not realize how BAD it was going itch? You do the damndest things. I hope you are circumcised.
ettarose’s last blog post..Awards and Gratitude, If Not Down Right Ass Kissing
It’s the follow-up that’s a bitch… just wait til it really goes a few days without rebuzzing….
Bikini wax for men?
catscratch’s last blog post..Water, Satan (I mean Santa) & Beer
Believe me when I say that if more men did what you did, there’d be more joyful oral. Next time, does the word “trim” mean anything to you? And if your jolly roger looks that much better, you can forget about the pain of continually itching and proudly let him out for a daily walk through the park.
dana’s last blog post..
OH! MY! GAWD!!!
TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI!
Although… I’m sure Quinn will appreciate your… landscaping! Or is it manscaping?
LOL … omg. LOL!
Still … LOL!
You kids today and all the shaving and the waxing. Be real man. People had sex for eons without Nair. And the itching … oooh baby. Not worth it, LOL!!!!!
Okay, TMI for me too.
DrowseyMonkey’s last blog post..He’s a Real Doll
Chan: As other people have used, TMI is a good adjective.
Thinking: Good point. The whole tube or just half?
ettarose: Yea, and I don’t want my foreskin back. The moyle can keep it with all of the others.
Catscratch: Is that why you’re called cat SCRATCH?
dana: Trust me when I say that we men have the short end of the stick when It comes to oral.
Vyolet: Quinn will have to get me so drunk to see that, that the only way he’ll see it is cuz I’m passed out. FYI, I have a strong punch reflex when I’m passed out
Drowsey: Think of the smell man, think of the smell.
You’ve entered sacred territory, my friend.
Once you start blogging about your manscaping adventures, you won’t be able to stop.
People know way more about my pristine, smooth, shiny, hairless yet stunning junk than anyone really needs to know.
By the way – you’ve just ruined the upcoming movie, “Inkheart” for me.
moooooog35’s last blog post..Motivational Filler – Racism
I hope you will blog about penis tattoos next.
This sounds like a classic case of over trimming. Next time take it easy. Now imagine getting a waxing and the horrible pain associated. Just when the skin grows back the itching begins.
Knight’s last blog post..Houston
Mind of Spaz newbie here… found you through LBluca, love the blog (smells like home)
mooooog: it’s only a natural progression, since as you say, at 31 1/2 years the junk stops working, so might as well have shiny pretty junk like yours I say.
hungry: I was trying to spell cornocopia on my penis but the artist ran out of penis at corn. Try explaining that one.
Knight: Now I know TMI about YOUR junk! Your Brazilian junk that is
Bon Don: Your home smells like farts too?
“The difference of course is that she doesn’t floss when she goes down on me if it’s not shaved, but I’m not a hypocrite in any way.”
Ummm, lies. There is nothing worse than getting a giant pube in the back of your throat to ruin giving a good BJ. No woman wants to go down when a guy has a wolverine growing down his pants.
Just sayin.
Yes all men need to keep it shiny and clean. No matter if they have a girlfriend or not because you never know when some girl is gonna want to get in there. Like the boy scouts say; always be prepared.
lbluca77’s last blog post..TMI Thursday: Can you recycle condoms?
The hubs did that to himself once and he was all “huh? you like it? yeah?” and it was a mood killer since I laughed like i had not laughed since the time I kicked a nun. When I was 4.
The reason I laughed was because I knew KNEW how much he’d me itching and scratching in front of the boys and he’d have to explain why.
I’m quite hairy for an Asian, so I know how it feels. According to my unofficial survey, Men can do two things to make his dick look bigger naturally: one is shave the pubes and the other is get a six pack abdomen.
Iron Pugilist’s last blog post..Thought In My Head
Meghan: You take it ALL in. Wow, that’s a talent
lbluca77: Sage advice, my friend.
Bee: Boys don’t give a shit. Scratching is a sacred right not to be commented on.
IP: I don’t know, Asians can be interesting. For example, most white guys have hair pretty much all over. It starts at the ballsack and doesn’t end till the almost the neck. But I saw this one asian guy in the gym. Not a SPOT of hair on his body, but his pubes could have made 40 full wigs for women that like hairy heads.
OMG…Spaz, I would so “teabag” you now…wait…are the twins trimmed too???
Awesome! Way to be honest and put IT out there for the world to see. Not to mention a hilarious post!
Margaret (Nanny Goats)’s last blog post..And Boy, Are My Arms Tired. No, really.
Yeah, I that sort of men in the gym too. Some with pubes longer than their penises as well. I guess my hair is evenly distributed throughout my body, lol.
Iron Pugilist’s last blog post..Thought In My Head
I’m kicking myself for not coming to your blog sooner. I read this one and the Gaza Line of Scrimmage and immediately subscribed to your feed.
You’re a funny bastard.
Stumbled this…
John J Savo, the Authoring Auctioneer’s last blog post..The PETArds Have Done It Again
Funny Stuff Spaz!
Kevin John’s last blog post..The Last Party
Well … At least now it’s safer to “zip up” when you’re going commando.
Practically Joe’s last blog post..The Seven Wonders of Joe