Petardia
Not long ago, my friends John and Etta wrote their respective pieces making fun of those eco terrorist freaks known as PETA. Who am I not to get on that bandwagon?
The most recent piece of brilliance from those Petards is to call fish “sea kittens”. Apparently, if you think of a fish as a kitten, you won’t want to eat it.
Makes me want fish even more!
The group I now call Petardia, or Petards for short, as a collective, wants us all to stop eating animals. I see three problems with this:
- We, as humans, didn’t spend thousands of years climbing our way to the top of the food chain to NOT eat animals.
- There is NOTHING like a nice, bloody piece of meat.
- And farming is environmentally friendly?
See, with number three, there is just SO many people on this planet that there would HAVE to be more farms. And I don’t know if anyone noticed, but NOTHING is allowed on a farm except for what is being farmed. If you’re anything, plant or animal, other than what’s being farmed, you might as well have just paved it over.
But don’t worry my dear readers, I have a solution that should satisfy the Petards.
Eating them.
The solution is perfect! I mean, you won’t be harming the millions upon millions of cows, chickens and pigs bred to be eaten. We can let them all wander off into the woods to starve to death and get eaten by predators!
No more animals getting killed. Not even sea kittens.
Best of all, extra farmland won’t be needed, leaving room for natural habitats like forests, plains, swamps, and Wal*Marts.
Personally, I might like my Petard BBQ’d. Slow roast those ribs. Speaking of roast, Petards come with lots of natural body hair, pre braided, you can use to wrap the Petard roast in. For extra flavour, try wrapping a smaller Petard inside a larger Petard before putting it in the roasting pan.
But whatever you do, make sure you cut around the part where all the drugs they take are collecting. If you take that you might just start thinking that “sea kittens” was one hell of a great marketing plan.
‘Nuff Said.
I don’t think I could eat those hippies. What I really want is for someone to prove beyond a doubt that plants can feel pain. Then the PETArds will starve and die, thus making the world a better place.
John J Savo, the Authoring Auctioneer’s last blog post..The PETArds Have Done It Again
Sea Kittens? Really? They don’t even have any fur on them. I don’t get it. No one is going to buy that shit. Petards is a perfect name for them! And I’m an animal lover, but I eat meat. I love chicken. And beef. And turkey. And…well, you get the picture. Anyway, I love animals but I’m not nuts enough to stop eating meat.
Kellie’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday
Absolutely Spaz!
And don’t forget I get dibs on the blood first.
(you’re not going to thow that away are you?)
Thanks.
Kevin John’s last blog post..I Want My Bail-Out Money
**Personally, I might like my Petard BBQ’d
LOL ur funny!
I wudnt eat em even if I was dying of hunger! cos they look n sound so TASTELESS.
Keshi.
Hey Spaz, you know I think I an idea which will solve the overpopulation problem in China and starvation in Africa. You know how it works.
Sea Kittens? Thank god I’m Asian, I’ll have no problem with that. Ha ha ha.
@John J Savo, the Authoring Auctioneer
John – it would also make us meat eaters more inclined to eat our vegetables as well, making us healthier and live longer, no?
@Kellie
I love my dog, she’s an animal, and I feed her meat. Nuff Said.
@Kevin John
would you like that in a bowl or just suck it out of the animals jugular?
@Keshi
That’s what garlic powder is for! That shit is magic
@Iron Pugilist
Not only that, but you’d find new and innovative (and might I add tasty) ways to cook the sea kitten. Seriously. You Asians gotta have the best food in the world. You must have tried English cooking and said “this is fucking crap. We have to cook the OPPOSITE of what these assholes do” and tada! Best food.
I can see John Madden now coining the term, “Petardken.” That’s a Petard, stuffed with a duck, stuffed with a chicken.
That’s good eatin’ right there, my friend.
moooooog35’s last blog post..Runaway Commando Junk
I am vegetarian myself, and I do not really approve “the PETA ways”, they’re waaay to radical. However, I fail to see why the hell do you omnis feel attacked by people not eating meat?
anyway, to comment on your “problems”:
# We, as humans, didn’t spend thousands of years climbing our way to the top of the food chain to NOT eat animals.
-You didn’t spend a single second of “climbing your way up”, you’re eating meat from an animal that’s been raised and slaughtered for you, that’s what you did.
# There is NOTHING like a nice, bloody piece of meat.
-Yea, I agree, we might as well eat fetuses and little babies. Nothing like a nice bloody piece of meat, right?
# And farming is environmentally friendly?
-I suppose you mean vegetable farms. No, they’re not, but let’s take a soy farms example. EIGHTY PERCENT of soy made on farms is used for FEEDING ANIMALS ON FARMS.
I really don’t see what your problem with vegetarians might be, have your parents been hitting you with a vegetarian when you were a kid or what? Anyway, set your facts straight if you wanna spit on something.
I’m a vegetarian but don’t preach my beliefs to others. I don’t expect others to not eat meat. I don’t lecture people. I don’t care if you eat a burger in frnt of me, and I don’t agree with PETA’s ethics and marketing stance. You do your thing and I’ll do mine.
If anyone has a problem with that, Eat. Me.
Meghan’s last blog post..Dirty Little Secret
I’m a vegetarian but even I’d eat something as delicious sounding as a sea kitten.
Tiggy’s last blog post..Tiggy’s Word Of The Day – Clown
I joined FFA in highschool. Shuddup, it was the coolest club ever. Anyway, a couple months afterward I started receiving mail from PETA. So did my other co-FFA’ers. I have no idea how they got our names and addresses.
This summer I’m going to grow a large patch of zucchini and I’m going to eat it with grilled salmon. It will more appetizing than Pam Anderson’s boob bridge.
Becky..Absent Minded Housewife’s last blog post..Isn’t it Christmas today?
WOW. Just think: if we started being cannibals, we could have Chinese one day, Mexican the next, French, CANADIAN BACON!!! Holy crap what an idea!!!! I’ll have mine with extra sauce, thank you.
dana’s last blog post..HOLY CRAP IN A CATHEDRAL. IT ENDS NOW!!
Names won’t help. Any non-veggies dining on sweet meats tonight? And any veggies eating sea cucumbers?
@moooooog35
You bring the meat, I’ll fire up the grill.
@dacho
Dacho, I have something very very special coming for you, my friend. Stay tuned!
@Meghan
I sometimes have vegetarian meals. I don’t discriminate.
@Becky..Absent Minded Housewife
You mean grilled sea kitten?
@dana
You could use one group to make the sauce for the other!
@Aoi
I’d totally eat a sea cucumber! again!
OK now I’m really curious. People would usually delete my comment and pretend it was never there, and continue with their silliness. And I would really like it to be something with trustable sources, not just “doctors say yadda yadda” (like my 80% soy thing, lol).
@dacho
I’m very glad you said that. More fodder. As you can see, this blog is all about silliness. Just you wait!
Oh my goodness. A bleeder. dacho answer me this. Why does PETA kill companion animals? Because it is too expensive to have no kill shelters right? Between 1998 and 2007 PETA killed over 19,000 cats, dogs and other companion pets. Fact! The Virginia Beach ASCPA adopted out 65% of the animals they had in their shelter. How many did PETA adopt out? 1% Fact! Now! you may bite me.
ettarose’s last blog post..Take Down the Bird Feeder
An oldie (one of my first), but a goodie.
(shameless self-promotion)
Enjoy:
http://midgetmanofsteel.blogspot.com/2007/09/vegetarians-other-white-meat.html
moooooog35’s last blog post..Runaway Commando Junk
Dacho: By the way:
Where can I find these delicious fetuses you talk about?
Man…
I hope God’s a carnivore or that pretty much wraps it up for me.
moooooog35’s last blog post..Runaway Commando Junk
Try hospitals or abortion clinics, I’m pretty sure you can find some there. If nothing else, you can raise them by yourself. And what the hell “G”od has to do with that?
@ettarose – Do you not know how to read? I said I DO NOT APROVE THE PETA WAYS, FOR FUCKS SAKE.
Is anyone else singing “Dacho Dacho Man” in their head? Is it just me?
Nice job, Spaz. We’re going to be dodging airborne canteloupes pretty soon. Wait – is that fruit murder?
moooooog35’s last blog post..Runaway Commando Junk
@moooooog35
I wish I had time to write the follow up post RIGHT NOW.
It’ll have to wait until after work.
This is great stuff. I just wish Dacho had a blog to he/she/it could help drum up the controversy even more.
Well, if the stars are right I’ll drum up some angry veggies with powerful blogs.
dacho, yes for FUCKS sake I saw that, but the way you act I thought you were a liar, for FUCKS sake! I said it before and I will say it again, teach the wild animals to eat veggies and I’ll be happy!
ettarose’s last blog post..Take Down the Bird Feeder
I do not consider people wild animals, because we are a bit more civilized, but as I read all those comments, I’m not sure anymore what to think =/
Anyway, it’s not about *teaching*, wild animals don’t have a choice, PEOPLE DO. And that being said, I chose not to kill if I don’t have to.
And yea, fruits and veggies are also being killed (they’re a living plants, after all), the only difference is that they don’t suffer and it doesn’t hurt them (at least it’s not proved yet). And please explain me, what’s the way I act that makes you think I’m a liar? :S I just love the stereotypes: “oooh, a vegetarian, does that mean you’re gay? or punk? or goth? oooh, so you’re one of those that throw molotovs on MCD! oooh, a vegetarian, well i belong to peta to – people for eating tasty animals!” I mean, cmon =/
@spaz – I don’t quiet understand term “drum up”, English is not my first language, sorry =[ I do have a blog, however, it’s on Croatian, but even if it was English, I don’t really mention vegetarianism there, so it wouldn’t really matter.
I think the point here, Dacho, is that just because I want a tasty, delicious steak…I shouldn’t be called a killer.
So – you started it.
I think a better term than ‘killer’ would be:
“Full.”
By the way, Dacho – you stupid fuckshit – I wasn’t attacking you on my site…I was merely stating in a roundabout manner that pompous dickwads like yourself calling people who eat meat ‘killers’ is in and of itself a shot across my bow.
Why the Hell does the fact that I don’t care how my food is ‘harvested,’ ‘killed,’ ‘maimed,’ say that I don’t have a conscience?
Because I can get a peaceful sleep at night knowing that the 24-ounce Porterhouse I just ate at Texas Roadhouse was freshly killed using a bolt to the brain? That shows I have no conscience?
No, I think it shows that I have some decent levels of tryptophane from the beheaded turkey breast I had for lunch.
You’re right – I DON’T care how my food is killed…or if it sat in it’s own shit…or ate it’s own foot. As long as it’s not moving when I get it and isn’t overcooked, I’m good.
That’s why I don’t live in fucking Japan.
moooooog35’s last blog post..Runaway Commando Junk
You can’t deny that those animals you eat are killed because of you, and only because of you. You want to eat them – they’re killed BECAUSE OF YOU. No higher maths than that. Ooooh, I see, so you are also NOT insulting me with those pretty words? Fuckshit, dickwads, now that’s a role model for two underaged kids, I bet they are proud of their killer dad
Sooo, cannibals also aren’t killers? They’re “full”?
“Why the Hell does the fact that I don’t care how my food is ‘harvested,’ ‘killed,’ ‘maimed,’ say that I don’t have a conscience?”
Because you can kill a creature that can feel pain, and not feel guilty.
Oh, and you get more tryptophan from soybeans than the turkey
Careful. I may not eat meat, dairy or eggs. I may not wear leather or fur or down. But I’d happily string you up in a slaughterhouse, shoot you in the head with a bolt gun, miss the right spot and leave you conscious while I slit your throat, let you struggle while you bleed out, carve your sorry ass up and pepper it with poison, package it up all shiny and nice and send it to grocery stores for people just like you to enjoy.
You want ecoterrorism?
You may just get more than you bargained for…
Soooo I’ve come up to the conclusion that your ancestors seriously were into eating each other, otherwise you wouldn’t be so stupid right now.
You maaaay want to look up why there’s mad cow disease, and the effects on human bodies when eating other humans. :]
Just because PETA is radical in some of the things it tries to accomplish doesn’t mean that the end result isn’t worth trying to achieve.
By the way, mmmm a fetus sounds so delicious right now.
When I grow up I want to go to bovine university! Oh and where can I get my hands on a fetus??
Well, it worked for the sea cucumbers…
*vomits in mouth*
technodoll’s last blog post..Sleep’s broken web
Is it ok to juggle sea kittens though?
And plants have feelings too…bloody vegetarians…
VE’s last blog post..Obama’s First Days in Office
@VE – Of course they do, I just saw my cactus SOOOO angry last night, he made such a mess in the kitchen. I swear, cactuses are worse than monkeys…
Or if you still think so – give me freaking proof. Give me a proof that zuccini can feel love, anger, fear, that they can be happy or sad.
@Ralphy – I’m pretty sure i answered to that one already.
Wow… Look what we started…
John J Savo, the Authoring Auctioneer’s last blog post..The PETArds Have Done It Again
Geez.
Veggie People get really pissy.
moooooog35’s last blog post..Runaway Commando Junk
No, the meat eaters here aren’t killers. I’d safely bet none of them would have the balls to slaughter an animal! Geez you’d have to get off your arses and away from your computers for a start! And look another living creature in the eye, that might be scary!
Dont get me wrong, if I was starving in Siberia, where there’s no fruit/veges grown, I wouldnt hesitate to hunt and kill an animal for food. Yeh, I did so in my meatie days, as well as slaughtering sheep on the farm. Wasn’t the most pleasant job though, and for a start, now feel a lot better about not contributing to needless suffering and also the greenhouse effect [read farting bovines.]
Nah, my main reasons for going veg are selfish. There’s a whole world of taste out there that gets blunted by meat eating, which is akin to screwing someone using a 3 rubber tire innertubes for protection! I’ve gone back to meat a couple of times and returned cos it is just so damn fucking bland in comparison. That, and it’d take you 3 min on Google to discover how bad red meat is for your health. Well if you want to die prematurely and slowly in front of your loved ones of heart disease and cancer go ahead.
Oh yeh, nearly forgot, us vegetarians are slimmer, better looking and screw around a lot more than you meaties! Believe me, if you haven’t tried it, it’s a lot better than a juicy steak! Problems staying up? Could be the cholesterol from all that animal fat.
I know you guys on here will one by one hurl banal insults after I’ve posted this, but I’m not doing it because I’m pissy [!], I’m sure I’ll have planted a seed in the mind of one of the meaties here that will one day blossom. Dont worry if it’s you, you dont have to admit it to each other on here. Let the tirade begin!
@ matt
“I’d safely bet none of them would have the balls to slaughter an animal!”
He he he he he he he.
You’re so wrong, dude.
Iron Pugilist’s last blog post..The Great Escape
I am a country girl.. I just go out in the back yard and kill a chicken defeather,cook and eat.. I do serve it with veggies,does that count Mike??
I love the feeling of supporting meat eaters and Vegan’s at the same time!
Ne
Ne~ism’s last blog post..The Men In My Life (Part 3)
I love peta they are so loveable
so I agree with you on your opinion of PETA
however there are a few problems with your reasons for eating meat
you do know animals eat too right?
meat is VERY bad for the environment the amount of grains used to feed animals to produce meat for 5 people could feed 20 people
by going full vegetarian we would drastically reduce the amount of farm land
I personally enjoy meat too much to go vegetarian but I do think that reducing your meat consumption is a good idea
but yes PETA members are CRAZY
You made some good points there. I found most people will agree with your blog.