The Mind of Spaz

Do you know what’s funny about Christians?  The same thing that’s funny about every other religion.  Every single religion claims to be right without proof.  They don’t need proof, all they need is faith. That doesn’t stop them from trying to push their “proof by proxy of old goat herders drunk scrawlings” off on you.  Of course, had these same people been born elsewhere, they’d be making the same arguments for a different religion.  Yea, beliefs based upon geography, that’s some real good shit right there, boy.

I don’t care if you believe that purple unicorns come flying out of your ass at night.  Don’t push your shit on me.  Don’t especially use that purple stain on your wall as proof, because we all know it’s from the time you hooped a jar of blueberry jam, forgot it was there, at some chili, and launched that thing into the wall at 100 miles an hour.

Does anybody remember Kirk Cameron from growing pains? Back then he was just a douche. Now, he’s a Christian douche. He goes around pawning off his weirdo psycho beliefs on people in any way, shape or form that he can. He’s kind of like herpes – once you let him into your life he never goes away for long, always popping up at the most inopportune times and generally just itching like hell.

Boy, am I glad I always used a condom.

Anyways, has anyone seen Kirk Cameron the Christian douche with his equally douchey buddy from New Zealand? These turds use a banana to prove god is real.  They call this the “atheists nightmare” By the way, does anyone see the irony that almost every single argument made for god could be made by ANY religion – so hey, why should we believe in yours?

Anyways, let’s watch this abortion of an “atheists night mare”.

So, the banana is specially made, by GOD, for human consumption eh? That would work really really well if humans ate ONLY bananas. But humans eat all sorts of other food too.  Let’s see how well our other common foods stack up shall we?

Wheat.

Yes, wheat. The wheaty goodness of wheat. There’s nothing more I like doing than running through a field of wheat for lunch, nibbling on this wheat or that wheat.  I especially like the way the wheat kernals get stuck in and sometimes crack my teeth. YUM! The flavour!

Chicken.

Chicken can be prepared in so many ways. Look at the perfect package the chicken comes in!  Claws and beak for poking your eyes out, wings for beating your face, and a gizzard full of poop.   My preferred way of eating chicken is biting it’s head off, watching it hop around, then picking up it’s lifeless body and sucking out all the juices. YUM!

Cow

Oh, this is by FAR my favorite!  That’s because a cow is like fifteen times heavier than I am. What I do is I find a cow and I start beating it with my fists. It takes three or four days to kill it with the weapons that GOD gave me, but it’s worth it in the end.  Twelve hundred pounds of cow feeds me for WEEKS.  Of course, by the second day the carcass has started to smell a little bit, and by day ten it’s kind of green and full of maggots, but maggots add FLAVOUR!

Fish.

Ahh, fish, a human staple. Look how easy GOD made it for us to get at them!  He put them in deep WATER!  No gills, never you mind!  Just dive into that lake or ocean and catch a fish with your teeth!  My preferred way for removing the scales is by rubbing the fish on my nut-sack.  Both the fish and my nut-sack come out shiny and raw after that, just the way GOD intended!

One final note, Kirk Douche.  You know that yellow banana that’s made perfectly for human consumption by GOD? Well, as it turns out, that particular banana was CULTIVATED by HUMANS so that it would not have any seeds. Without cultivation, banana’s would be green, and have all sorts of large hard seeds. Don’t believe me? That’s OK, I don’t believe you.  Here, have a look at this Wikipedia article.  They offer more proof of cultivated banana’s than you ever offered of the Christian god in the way that you worship him/her/it.

Douche.

rant, social commentary atheists, christians, douchebags, fishy nutsacks, Kirk Cameron is douchebag, religion