Acne Mangled my Leg
This morning, I woke up with a zit.
Yea, I’m a thirty-one year old man. I’m not a pizza face by any means, but I still get the occasional zit. I mean, it’s not like it was when I was a teenager, with all those hormones flying around. I swear I had more zit than face when I was thirteen. A true freak of nature I was. Names like “zitface”, “craterface”, “pervert”, these are all names that would fly in from every direction, and that was just from those nasty nuns.
Is that my teenaged face or is it a mogwai getting ready to give birth?
But this wasn’t any old zit. This was a very special zit. It was acne where I never, ever had acne before.
The damned thing was on the inside of my thigh. And it was big, and it was throbbing. And it was playing footsies with my nut sack.
I hadn’t experienced such an aweful zit before. It was HORRIBLE. I swear it was growing from the inside out. It rubbed against my underwear and jeans, making walking unbearable. Have you ever seen one of those MS guys with the canes? That’s how I looked when I was walking, except without the canes, I swear.
You take my parking space, Spaz. I think you need it more than I do.
I swear the damned thing was in my head! It was talking to me! It was saying;
Spaz…. Spazzzzzzz…. SPAZ! I’m all alone down here Spaz, all alone. Well, except for your left nut. I don’t like him too much, he’s kind of sweaty and keeps poking me with short, curly hairs. Listen, I don’t like being alone. I need some friends. Go find a McDonalds and slather face grease from the teenaged fry goon all over your thigh. Make me some buddies. Spaz….
I guess that’s why I didn’t see that patch of ice. My leg came out from under me and I landed on it.
OUCH.
Where the HELL am I supposed to find a limb repairman this early in the morning?
I didn’t break anything, but for the first five minutes I thought I did. But I was able to put weight on my leg, so I hobbled on. I had a job to do.
The good news is, I think the thigh zit died from shock. The bad news?
I still walk like a gimp. But at least I have a reason now!
There’s a lesson to be learned here folks. If you ever get a zit near your genitals, don’t listen to what it has to say. You’ll probably get injured.
‘Nuff Said
I likey the booooooobies!...
You sure it was a zit.. not a tumor? “I’m a tumor, I’m a tumor, I’m a tumor” Whatever it was, you’re right best not to listen to it
dizzblnd’s last blog post..A Pants Peeing Good Blog
You sure it was a zit and not genital warts? That’s what happens when you have greasy pizza faced teenagers rubbing their face in your inner thigh. Trust me ,I know from experience.
Selfdeprechaun’s last blog post..Self-Diagnosis: Pregnant with hemorrhoids
LMAO @selfdep
dizzblnd’s last blog post..A Pants Peeing Good Blog
LMAO @ “Pervert”
Sounds like you actually had an ingrown hair or the beginnings of a boil.
Funny shit as always. I love your blog.
Stumbled.
John J Savo, the Authoring Auctioneer’s last blog post..Caption Contest No. 2: G.I. Joe
An ingrown hair, perhaps?
Miss Milk’s last blog post..America, please go away and stop influencing the rest of the world.
It was a freakin boil like I said. You got it from eating pizza with your crotch
ettarose’s last blog post..Spastic Spasming Spaz
Spazzzzz..there, along with last night’s supper goes my breakfast.
*
I know repairmen can be rediculously expensive.Perhaps you need a nice ‘accident’ indemnity addition to your current health plan?
Kevin John’s last blog post..Signs of our times
@dizzblnd
Well it didn’t SAY it was a tumor…..
@Selfdeprechaun
Yes but oral sex is better when you get some greasy teenager down there, she self lubricates!
@John J Savo, the Authoring Auctioneer
Hair grows inwards?
@Miss Milk
Like I said above, how the heck does hair grow inwards?
@ettarose
I WISH I could eat stuff with my crotch!
@Kevin John
Glad I could help you with your diet
“..it was playing footsies with my nut sack..”
Your nuts have feet?
I’d be more worried about that, dude.
moooooog35’s last blog post..Motivational Filler – Surveys
I’m all about the silver lining – at least it wasn’t on your taint. There’s no ignoring a taintzit. Also, yes, it was probably an ingrown hair.
Crap, that was funny!
Jessica’s last blog post..About the Dentist
Put some ointment on it and leave it alone. If you touch it, it’ll get bigger! Actually that applies to all things crotchular.
Meghan’s last blog post..No Hablo Espanol
I live with a teen (no, I’m not a MILF-Y Cougar-he’s my spawn) and I see this shit daily. What the hell are you doing? Eating pizza and Cokes 20-foe and wacking off in the shower for 30 minutes every day?
@moooooog35
Metaphorical feet?
@Jason – GorillaSushi
If it’s a taint zit it’s probably herpes. Just sayin.
@Jessica
And it wasn’t even about crap!
@Meghan
Your crotch too? How big does it get? Could we play swords?
@Scandalous Housewife
Aren’t teens gross?
you had me at “it was big, and it was throbbing”…..
Perhaps it was an ingrown nutsack, and you just lost a piece of your manhood…
Chica’s last blog post..Curse words are so 1998!
Thanks Spaz, I just sat down in front of my computer with my dinner and I got to see that! Num! Thanks for keeping my on my diet.
Jen’s last blog post..What is Wrong with People?
A zit on your thigh? Eww. At least it is not bikini season. Well I guess you don’t have to worry about that.
lbluca77’s last blog post..Sometimes Uncle Sam grabs you by the balls and just won’t let go
@vikki
Boy, were you ever dissapointed when you read on then!
@Chica
Then I’m down to three testicles. No good.
@Jen
Keep coming back here, guaranteed to keep you thin.
@lbluca77
I also don’t have to worry about my bikini line, because no hair there and hair everywhere else seems silly at best.
Something is really wrong in your head! But I think I love it…
Sounds like a boil(sp) or something! hmmmmmmm So your testies have someone to play and talk to… that is cool!!!
Mike Please take care of yourself and if the pain in your leg does not go please see a dr or Ill have to dress up in my nurse outfit and come and take care of you!!!
@Ne~ism
So if I don’t take care of myself, you’ll come take care of me in your nurse outfit?
Excuse me while I go break my other leg
Ew. I think you should go sit in a bucket of bleach for awhile. Maybe it will die.
Knight’s last blog post..Gone Crazy
@Knight
my balls or the zit? I’m rather partial to one of them.
I’d smear some of my Proactiv on that zit if I had one. Or popped it. Whichever is more fun, depending on my sobriety.
Iron Pugilist’s last blog post..Elsa
Thanks for writing this. I’ll be sure to take it into consideration.