The Mind of Spaz

This morning, I woke up with a zit.

Yea, I’m a thirty-one year old man.  I’m not a pizza face by any means, but I still get the occasional zit. I mean, it’s not like it was when I was a teenager, with all those hormones flying around. I swear I had more zit than face when I was thirteen.  A true freak of nature I was. Names like “zitface”, “craterface”, “pervert”, these are all names that would fly in from every direction, and that was just from those nasty nuns.

Is that my teenaged face or is it a mogwai getting ready to give birth?

But this wasn’t any old zit. This was a very special zit. It was acne where I never, ever had acne before.

The damned thing was on the inside of my thigh. And it was big, and it was throbbing. And it was playing footsies with my nut sack.

I hadn’t experienced such an aweful zit before. It was HORRIBLE.  I swear it was growing from the inside out.  It rubbed against my underwear and jeans, making walking unbearable.  Have you ever seen one of those MS guys with the canes? That’s how I looked when I was walking, except without the canes, I swear.

You take my parking space, Spaz. I think you need it more than I do.

I swear the damned thing was in my head! It was talking to me!  It was saying;

Spaz…. Spazzzzzzz…. SPAZ!  I’m all alone down here Spaz, all alone. Well, except for your left nut.  I don’t like him too much, he’s kind of sweaty and keeps poking me with short, curly hairs.  Listen, I don’t like being alone.  I need some friends. Go find a McDonalds and slather face grease from the teenaged fry goon all over your thigh. Make me some buddies. Spaz….

I guess that’s why I didn’t see that patch of ice.  My leg came out from under me and I landed on it.

OUCH.

Where the HELL am I supposed to find a limb repairman this early in the morning?

I didn’t break anything, but for the first five minutes I thought I did.  But I was able to put weight on my leg, so I hobbled on. I had a job to do.

The good news is, I think the thigh zit died from shock. The bad news?

I still walk like a gimp. But at least I have a reason now!

There’s a lesson to be learned here folks. If you ever get a zit near your genitals, don’t listen to what it has to say. You’ll probably get injured.

‘Nuff Said

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Everybody likes free stuff. And free stuff almost always comes in the form of a contest.

So, I’ve decided that The Mind of Spaz should have a contest of its own.

Now, I can’t afford to actually give the winners anything that they can hold in their hands – like a Ferrari, a new motorboat, or my junk, but I can give them something almost as good (as my junk).  Therefore, I’ve decided to start the official Mind of Spaz SLOGAN CONTEST!  The winner will recieve special recognition near the top of my sidebar with a link to their blog/website.  As well, they will get a PERMANENT special link on the contest page.

The rules are simple: Think up a slogan that best describes me and/or this blog.  To enter, either write a post about the slogan, or mention it in one of your posts.  Put a linkback to my blog in the post.  I should recieve a pingback but just to be sure, leave a comment or contact me telling me you entered. That’s it, that’s all! Happy writing!

On with the show.

Have you been showering, on the can, walking or hitting yourself in the head with a frying pan, and all of the sudden you think up momentous quote?  Have you ever been driving along or grocery shopping when something happens so stupid or terrific that you have to share? And do you ever wonder exactly how you will share it?

Wonder no more! Simply go to jinxed.org.  You can enter your quote or story (like this tool who tried to do laundry in the shitter, no it wasn’t me), immediately before it leaves your vacant head!  People vote on it, and comment on it too.  And before I forget, there’s a widget button to add any of these quotes or stories to your blog or website.

Check out this website – it really is a fantastic and original one.  And that means a lot coming from The Mind of Spaz.

‘Nuff Said.

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