The Mind of Spaz

You know what really grates my goat?  Stupid pinko left winger hippie freakazoid environmental extremists. That’s right, I’m talking to you, eco freaks.

Yea, you all should be taken seriously because you’re so mentally stable, right?

Right, mentally stable.

First of all, shave that excess body hair. Nobody wants to see that. Secondly, shower and use deodorant, because nobody wants to smell that ok? And for the love of all that’s good and holy, if the idea seems brilliant when you’re high, IT’S NOT. So don’t follow through.

Hey, I’m wondering how many of those eco pukes live in houses that have wood frames, with wood furniture, and have used paper?

So hey, eco freaks, I’m also wondering.  Is there a difference between your hybrid car that gets 42 MPG and an regular econo car of the same size that gets 39 mpg? After the extra parts  for the hybrid are manufactured in extra factories that cost fossil fuel to build and shipped in by boat and truck that run on fossil fuel I mean. Or after the hundreds of pounds of toxic batteries are disposed of and have to be replaced after 70,000 miles. Just wondering.

Oh, and global warming. How can we forget about global warming? It’s a half degree warmer and I can smell you’re unwashed bodies THAT MUCH MORE.

Well guess what? Scientists only agree on one thing: That the earth IS warming. Yes, it’s warming. But is it from us? Since when the super volcano at yellow stone blows, it’ll put out more COx than our tailpipes ever have.

Just saying.

So yes, the earth is warming up.  This isn’t news. As a matter of fact, it’s been warming up and cooling off over it’s entire life history!

Observe this graph showing the last 160,000 years:

Do you know what this means, you green turd burglers? This means that even though the planet is heating up, it’s not yet as hot as it was 120,000 years ago. As a matter of fact, it’s almost NEVER this warm. It’s mostly cold. Fucking cold. Like glaciers type cold. Do you dumb fucks think you could operate your Toyota Pius under a few miles of ice?

So maybe farting a bit of greenhouse gas in the air will actually do us some good. You know, keep some of the glaciers up around Nunavut so we can still live, work, play and grow food maybe?

Just a thought.

Here’s another thought about the fossil fuels that are “destroying our planet”. Do you know what we’re made of? Ok well, you guys think you’re made of alternative energy and phosphate free laundry soap. But everything that’s alive, everything that you need to stay alive, everything that is alive, is made of mostly carbon. Any organic chemical has a carbon backbone. That’s what we’re made of, and that’s why we’re called “carbon based life forms”.

Damn, you stupid hippies make me want to eat Bambi raw.

Moving on.

Anyways, do you know how all this fossil fuel formed? That’s right, from all the plants and animals that died millions and millions of years ago, taking all that carbon with them.  Do you know that earth is a closed system? That means that we aren’t getting any more carbon in.  Yes, the carbon is being trapped as fossil fuels and coals deep beneath the earths crust.

So go ahead, get everyone to stop burning fossil fuels completely!  See what happens when the last human male on earth squirts dust from the end of his dick because there’s no more carbon.  It’ll be YOU screwballs that killed us, not all those monster truck driving rednecks out there.

Yea, this is all conjecture on my part. You know what the funny thing is?  So is all this shit about all our tailpipe fumes killing the planet.

So you know what, go ahead. Call me a monster, call me an enemy of the earth, but when you’re ejaculating dust and freezing your nips off on top of a glacier, you’ll come to me and say “Spaz, help us”.

And I’ll add another tree on top of my coal fired furnace and say “Go screw yourself, hippie”.

“Nuff said.

rant, social commentary earth first, eco freaks, eco terrorism, hippies are idiots