He’s Smashing His Meat
There are people on this planet that are sicker and more deranged than I am. I seem to attract them, which maybe is why I am the way I am.
Case in point, my boss. He’s got a mind similar to mine but dirtier in certain ways.
Today was a good example of that. Our duty that day was to sample a monitoring well that was located on a grass meridian in between a road and the parking lot for a grocery store. It was a fairly lengthy process; we would be there for about 90 minutes.
As we pulled in, I noticed a car in the corner, parked so that he took up several parking spots. Parked like douchebag. I mentioned to my boss “hey, look at the way that douchebag is parked!”
No sooner did I say that then said douchebag took off.
“I wonder what he was doing?”
“Obviously, he was smashing his meat.” Said my boss.
”“What else would he be doing?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe he was eating a sandwich he bought from the grocery store.”
“You mean the grocery store all the way down yonder? Why would he park so far away if he wasn’t smashing his meat?”
“Yonder? It’s 50 feet away, max! Since when is 50 feet a yonder?”
“Look Spaz, obviously he was smashing his meat. There was no other reason for being there.”
“So he wasn’t having lunch, making a phone call or reading?”
“NO.”
“It was lunchtime and he wasn’t taking a sandwich break in a grocery store parking lot.”
“The corner of grocery store parking lots are for smashing your meat.”
“So that lady in her car there, she’s Smashing her meat?
“What else would she be doing?”
“Is that what you do in grocery store parking lots?”
“What else would I be doing?”
“Don’t start smashing your meat, ok?”
“Well, we are in a grocery store parking lot. But it is during work hours”.
“Good thing too.”
And he is one of my role models. Do you folks see now where I get it?
‘Nuff Said
I likey the booooooobies!...
I pity the fool that has to do that in a grocery store parking lot.
@Mr. T
I’ll tell him you said that.
At least you have the privacy of a parking lot. Around here people use medians and park benches.
knight’s last blog post..No, I’m not dead yet.
…and you didn’t even wave to me goodbye.
moooooog35’s last blog post..Well, at Least I Know his Middle Initial
@knight
Knight – you have an apartment. You don’t need to do that in public any more. Unless that’s the kind of thing you like.
@moooooog35
I didn’t want to call attention to myself in case you flicked that shit on the truck as you drove by.
mooooooooooge. Gross.
Damn, I just thought they were just stalkers waiting for there target to emerge from the store. Oh…..never mind, I understand now…..yeow!
MadMadMargo’s last blog post..How To Win Friends & Influence People
Smashing your meat, wow, I’ve never heard that one before.
chowner’s last blog post..Baseball Camp
Okay Mike, this is definitely not going to look good on your annual employee evaluation.
- Your Boss
@MadMadMargo
Makes you rethink wearing those slinky dresses, huh.
@chowner
Now you can call it something else when you’re in a grocery store parking lot!
@Your Boss
Please take the envelope from under your keyboard and open it.
I’m sure that will make everything OK.
Right?
I could get into some meat smashing…
Blonde Goddess’s last blog post..Cookie head, Boobie head and my imagination…
OMG.. I will have to add this to next Fridays “Gross shit!” Love the Family Guy Graphic
dizzblnd’s last blog post..Gross shit you wish you didn’t know
I meant South Park
dizzblnd’s last blog post..Gross shit you wish you didn’t know
@Blonde Goddess
Were you smashing your meat as you typed this?
It’s ok to smash your meat to my blog, by the way.
@dizzblnd
Good to see you corrected yourself there. You’re young enough to know the difference between family guy and south park
Hahah, this right here is enough to make me subscribe. Brilliant! Love that episode of south park, btw.
Kylee’s last blog post..I always have gigantic bulls in the back of my truck.
“The corner of grocery store parking lots are for smashing your meat.” — That might be the funniest sentence I’ve read in months.
I never knew that people automatically assumed you were “smashing your meat” if you were sitting in a grocery store parking lot. Maybe that’s why those people were looking at me funny the other day. And before you say anything, I WASN’T smashing my meat. I was eating. I promise. Seriously, I was eating. Stop looking at me like that!
Dalton J. Fox’s last blog post..Lego in Concert
You know, I had no friggin’ idea that you would actually write this. For a while there I was feeling guilty about getting you to drink that stuff that gave you the shits last month – but not anymore.
Wow. I clicked that link… Masturbation cream? On Amazon? Sometimes I hate the century we live in…
Stumbled.
John J Savo, the Authoring Auctioneer’s last blog post..Caption Contest No. 4: Instant Family
being vegetarian, i miss the finer points of meat preparation, but i’d think marinading would be preferable to smashing. i know here in northern california, people tenderize abalone by smashing, but that seems to be the exception to the rule.
Seraphine’s last blog post..Mother Always Liked Me the Best
@Kylee
When they catch him after blowing his load, I laugh for minutes, EVERY time i see it.
@Dalton J. Fox
Dood, it’s ok. I’m cool with it. Just don’t do it in front of the troop of girl scouts, ok?
@Your Boss
You’re just pissed because there was only a coupon for Taco Bell in the envelope.
@John J Savo, the Authoring Auctioneer
How many did you buy?
@Seraphine
Seraphine – did you… make a funny? I didn’t know you had a sense of humor! Very nice.
Yes, and myself being a vegetarian (when i don’t eat meat) I am appalled at your lack of sophistication,grammer and..hygiene.
Take a bath.
Kevinjohn’s last blog post..Justice the American Way
Thanks for this great post – I will be sure to check out your blog more often mubseo add link</a