Tardz asks the Interwebz – Again!
Hello there gentle readers! It’s time for the next episode of Tardz Ask the Interwebz! No one actually wants to ask me anything because:
- I’m an asshole
- I don’t have normal human emotions
- I’ll tell you all the stuff that might be true, that you don’t actually want to hear.
Since I like giving advice, and the courts have prohibited me from giving unsolicited advice, I’ve decided to do something about that.
I’ve gone to those retards who solicit advice from the interwebz. That’s right, if you’re dumb enough to ask a question in an open forum, you’ll get your answer. From me. Deal with it.
So, I’ve scoured Yahoo Answers for some really good questions that I can give advice to. Oh, if for some unknowable reason you want me to answer one of your questions, click here. I doubt you’ll want answers after you read this though.
Question #1 – Some ditz writes:
How to remove Tan from my skin?
I imagine a restraining order would suffice. Or perhaps a machete if he ignores the restraining order. In the meantime, try dating guys that aren’t sexual perverts to prevent this from happening again.
Question #2 – A complete retard asks:
Why are the dead not touring in the south?
I imagine it’s the same reason why they’re not touring anywhere else – THEY ARE FUCKING DEAD. Dead people don’t move. Somebody really needs to have a talk with you, ok?
Question #3 – Some dummy asks:
How do I shave my side-burns?
Same way you shave the rest of you, with a RAZOR
Question #4 – Ms. Oblivious Writes:
What do you do when you eat the groceries before the weekend is over?
Are you fucking serious? Listen fatty, here is some possible solutions.
- You aren’t buying enough groceries. Buy more groceries.
- Don’t eat so much, you whale.
- Go out and get more groceries, you blubbery genius.
That’s the end of my advice to ‘tards that solicit from the interwebz. If you want some asshole giving you advice, I’m always here to help.
I likey the booooooobies!...
Lmao !!!
Ppl really ask these questions ?! Jeez. Where is sanity headed to ?!
Ditz would be absolutely enthralled to read your response…that reply takes the prize !!!
Cinderella’s last blog post..Anybody got a clue ?
@Cinderella
Go to yahoo answers. Questions pile in dozens a second. I’m serious. Most are normal questions, but you got lots and lots and lots of retards. It’s hard to pick just 3 or 4
It is quite amazing how many insanely retarded questions can be found in Yahoo Answers. Some of them have to be people just being dumb on purpose, but many of them are just straight-up, legitimate dumbasses. It’s those type of people that cause me to have such little faith in society as a whole.
And your answer to the one about groceries is awesome. Still baffles me that an idiot would ask that though, or any of the rest of the ones you listed for that matter.
Dalton J. Fox’s last blog post..Long Hours. Low Pay. High Times.
Removing Tan is harder than you think.
These Thai guys are crazy.
moooooog35’s last blog post..Do You Like Me (check ‘Yes/No’)
Removing tan works if you’re dead. But then you can’t travel in the south.
chowner’s last blog post..Conversation starters that come in handy when I want to remind people that I recently won the lottery
@Dalton J. Fox
I’ve concluded that 90% of people are stupid. If commerce ever stops, 9 out of 10 people will die. I won’t be sad.
@moooooog35
Know from experience I take it?
@chowner
Or anywhere, for that matter
On average, how many facepalms do you give yourself after reading inane questions like those?
C.B.Jones’s last blog post..This is the most uncliche thing I’ve ever read.
I pity the…..oh, never mind.
So you’re the new Dear Abby!
Dear Abe,
Why do mushrooms taste brown?
technodoll’s last blog post..Keep it sizzlin’
@C.B.Jones
14.3
@Mr. T
Getting tired of the jibba jabba, Mr. T?
@technodoll
Mushrooms are grown in shit. Try washing them better.
lol Dude… I have not been here for a while but I will tell you what… you are as freaking hilarious as you were when I had first met you… LOL…
carry on the good work dude
Have a nice day… cheers…
Dear Mike,
I have a question for you: Why do you hate me? All I want to do is interview Tammie, and you’re actively campaigning against me. Give an old broad a break, won’t you? Just one tiny smidgen of joy in my life would go such a long way, and who is Moog to want to take that from me, or Mike to want to snatch an iota of satisfaction from my gnarled dry fingers?
Thanks!
Tiff
PS – I like your web log. It is snazzy.
tiff’s last blog post..VOTE FOR ME!
If you really want to remove tan from your skin ask Michael Jackson. He seemed to have figured it out…
VE’s last blog post..Fun with Star Trek
I……lol……appreciate……lol……your……
This is fucking hilarious!!!
MadMadMargo’s last blog post..Domino!
LMAO @ #3.
Stumbled.
John J Savo, the Authoring Auctioneer’s last blog post..Heaven Might Seek Bailout
@Arv
Thanks for the kudos, dood!
@tiff
I hear you tiff. However, mooooog is probably the funniest person on the face of this planet. Sorry!
@VE
He also figured out how to remove his nose from his face. Gross.
@MadMadMargo
Yea, tardz ask the interwebs is fun for me
@John J Savo, the Authoring Auctioneer
I may have prevented another retard from spreading his genes!
You’re like Dear Abby, but interesting.
Meghan’s last blog post..Baby Got Back
do you deserve a question?
Seraphine’s last blog post..You have a nice one!