Jesus is his Own Dad
Vatican City, Rome – Vatican Church “Scientists” announced today that Jesus is his own dad.
“It only makes sense” Says head “scientist” Gabrial Vercise “We all know that the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are the same entity but different entities at the same time, even if they are all one but not one, you know what I mean?”
The ruling came after an intense debate between Vatican officials of the semantics of the virgin birth. It is the Catholic Church’s stance to forever break with tradition, make up new rules and reinvent Christianity, especially if it pisses off Protestants.
Mr. Vercise continued to explain that the reason God chose Mary was because she’s an incredible prude and knew that she wouldn’t let Joseph touch her.
Jesus was able to slip into her bed at night without waking her, and he impregnated her. It was quite easy really, because Jesus at the time was pretty much just a ghost, letting him waft right under the bedroom door. his penis is also very small, allowing him to slip it right in there without breaking the hymen.
Mr. Vercise concluded with “…and we know Jesus and his father had a really small penis because of the old testament. I mean, why else would god be THAT angry?”
A rebuttal came from noted Pentecostal spokesperson, Barbara Smythe, who had this to say:
Beem babba smatty wacka wacka bitty wachity wachity wachity bunka bunga beep boop.
The mindofspaz.com delved further into the issue, asking for an interview with noted Muslim diplomat Mohammud Machbar Mohammud Mohammud Mohammud Mohammud of his thoughts on this subject:
What sort of NONSENSE are virgin births anyways? I should suicide bomb the Vatican so I can get my 72 virgins.
Mr. Mohammud Mohammud Mohammud Mohammud then threw stones at me until I left his office.
The rebuttal interviews concluded with our Jewish Correspondant, Hecccchyam Kohen, who has a very simple take on the subject:
We all know that the story stopped after the old testament and the new testament is nothing but a made up piece of christian rubbish. Why all this fuss over virgins I’ll never know. They are horrible in bed and they make a mess on the sheets anyways, why not?
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I likey the booooooobies!...
Mike, You almost made me type out your whole name!!
Virgins are NOT bad in bed! Well the ones that watch SEX IN THE CITY and LIFETIME AND SUCH ARE NOT! I will prove this theory oneday! lol But I am a PROUD V! Damn that seemed to be the part that really stuck out in the post!
OH and UMMM! Your gonna have a lot of hate mail or shall I say Hate COMMENTS! lol I love your sense of Humor mike it make mes feel so oooohhheeeweeeeeeeei Goooooooowie Inside.. lol hahahah
See you later Mike!
Ne’s last blog post..Hump Day Ramblesssssssss
P.s. Is this your Pre Passover Day Blog?? hahahahaha Gosh Mike, You need a shot to help your mind stop racing so much! it is hazardous to the life of your computer, you need to put a disclaimer on here..
Warning any kind of beverages while reading my blog posts, Can harm YOUR Laptop!!
Ne’s last blog post..Hump Day Ramblesssssssss
@Ne
Ne, if that’s an offer I accept
And that’s how Spaz went the way of Salmon Rushdie.
moooooog35’s last blog post..Stuck on You – Part 1 (Jurassic Raphael)
@moooooog35
Yea, I’m pretty sure I covered just about everyone that’s easily angered/provoked in that one.
I know you are chomping t the bit for all the haters. Just like that PETA post. You are so crazy! It’s why I like you.
ettarose’s last blog post..Wednesday Words
Hmm….a small dick huh? So THAT’S the reason for all the wrath and plagues and what not….
It all makes sense to me now.
Blonde Goddess’s last blog post..And the winnah is…..
Mooga Mooga Uugha Er Ar Abunga Mooga Poo!
WinkyTwinky’s last blog post..Outta Control Economy Get To Your Family Yet?
@ettarose
Yea, just like a petulant child, if I can’t get positive attention I’ll go for the negative
@Blonde Goddess
Well yea, just think about how all those DICKtators acted.
@WinkyTwinky
I’ll TAKE the compliment!
The vatican is what gives the bible a bad name. They picked and chose what would, and would not, be allowed IN the bible, then they spend the rest of the centuries trying to prove it’s all true. At first it cost to get your loved ones out of purgatory (who got THAT money, then they swept that under the rug, THEN they decide who will and who won’t get a divorce…..
Then there’s the protestants. Then there’s the snake handlers. Then the creationists telling us the world is only 6,000 years old. Kinda overly zealot to “prove” the bible is 100% true.
At least catholics believe in booze and bingo.
Dana’s last blog post..WEB HOSTING RATING: your internet friend
My “Speaking in Tongues – to English” Dicktionary couldn’t translate. Best I could get was “wacka wacka”, something about masturbation??
Marissa’s last blog post..Saving The World From Cat-astrophe
Barbara Smythe’s quote is the only thing that made sense to me in this post.
C.B.Jones’s last blog post..Random Tuesday: MyBLAH.
@Dana
Well, yea.
@Marissa
I’m not sure. You see, no one has ever standardized tongues. You’ll have to ask Barbra that. Ask her the same question a month later to see if you get the same answer
@C.B.Jones
So you’re a parishioner in her church? Could you explain it to me?
LOL @ “wacka wacka”
Does that mean the Fozzie Bear spoke in tongues between jokes?
John J Savo, the Authoring Auctioneer’s last blog post..Heaven Might Seek Bailout
Ohhhh…..and may I add…..the obligatory Wacka Wacka!!!! Take that!!
WinkyTwinky’s last blog post..Outta Control Economy Get To Your Family Yet?
I’ve known a few Jesuses in my time, methinks.
Mary @ Holy Mackerel’s last blog post..Welcome To My World Of Hell! Wanna Chocolate?
Does it get boring writing a blog that stays so carefully inside the lines of political correctness? I mean, jeez, break out and say something offensive.
Shawn’s last blog post..5 Entrecard Ads I Had To Reject
Vatican and testament has also kept track of god n Jesus’s tools n the whole rocket science of how what slipped where n how prude Mary was ?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lmao – this is too much to take on a work-day morning !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
@John J Savo, the Authoring Auctioneer
Secrets out. But that would explain why he was so… “interesting”.
@WinkyTwinky
Careful, I think you may have just told me to go fuck myself
@Mary @ Holy Mackerel
You’ve been to Mexico?
@Shawn
I had to rewrite this 18 times to make sure I offended no one.
@Cinderella
Yea, it’s a load of bull as always
Dooooooooooood! Good thing you’re an atheist. If you don’t believe in it you can’t go to hell… right?
Stir away Dood, stir away!
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