The Mind of Spaz

That’s right. I have nothing. My mind is a blank slate of absolute nothingness.

Shit, now I know how Jessica Simpson feels!

So far this week I’ve managed to:

• Hammer my finger.
• Hammer my finger again.
• Hammer my finger for a third time.
• All three hammers were on the same finger.
• It’s the finger I used to pick my nose with.
• I’ve got one of those hard sticky boogars that won’t come out with blowing.
• None of the other fingers have the angle or experience that my injured finger has.
• I can’t shove my finger up my nose because it hurts too much.
• I sound like a grizzly bear snuffling for food because of that stoopid boogar stuck up in there.
• I managed to dig the boogar out with a steak knife.
• I probably shouldn’t have used a steak knife.

I also managed to somehow drop said hammer on my head, which is probably why my brain is so damned empty this week.

The worst part was when I dropped the hammer on my head. That would explain the lack of thought this week.

But let’s talk about plumbing. Yes, plumbing.  I usually enjoy plumbing.  However, the hammer dropping on my head (did I tell you about that?) probably made me a little dumb.

But you’re probably thinking that I was dumb already. And you’d be right.

You see, I was working on a job where the pipe I was cutting into and soldering was about 7 feet in the air.  Me being the brainiac that I am, I decided not to use a step ladder.  So I was working with my hands above my head.

Well above my head.

See folks, ever since some idiot decided that lead was bad for you, there is no lead in solder, at all.

Frigging pansies, can’t live with a little bit of lead poisoning.

But I’m digressing.

What this means is that solder is made mostly of nickle.  Nickle doesn’t melt as easy as lead does.  That means there can be absolutely no water in your copper pipe in order for you to heat up the pipe to where the solder can melt and make a nice, water tight seal on your plumb job.

There was water in the pipe. That resulted in a nice big glob of solder falling off and resting on top of the pipe.

I find and eliminate all the water.

I turn my torch on and heat the pipe to somewhere at the equivalent to the surface of the sun temperature.

The big glob of solder melts, takes on sun temprature, falls off the pipe and globs nicely on my forarm.

Because I’m plumbing directly above me, like a retard.

So now it looks like I got shot in the forearm with a small game shotgun, because burning hot solder splatters.

Sigh.

If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to lock myself up in my bedroom and play with my shattered glass collection, so I can’t possibly injure myself further.

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