This is What I Come Home To?
When I go off to work in the morning, I usually come home. When I go out to run some errands, I come home. Heck, even if I go to Toronto when I feel like being an ethnic minority, I usually eventually get home.
There was something very different about when I got home today. Something unusual. Something I haven’t experienced in almost four years. When I opened the door, it wasn’t just the usual odour of prepackaged bachelor chow and loneliness I smelled. There was another, more pungent odour mixed in. I stepped into the living room to find this:
Well what the hell. I don’t remember pooing anywhere but the toilet, and besides, it’s WAY to small to be one of mine. I’ve got to figure out how it got there, so I put on my detective cap.
It’s too small to be one of mine. Hmm. Who else? Who’s small and has a lot of poop. I know, it was that dastardly bastard moooooooooog. He’s small and poops a lot, and I wouldn’t put it past him to leave a present on my floor.
It couldn’t be mooooooooog though, because not only have I taken every precaution to make sure he doesn’t know where I live, he’s also afraid to come back to Canada. It seems last time he was here he got a thrashing and hasn’t been back since. That’ll teach ya to try to be a smart ass in the French Quarter Moooooog. We all know Francophones have zero sence of humor.
I then thought that perhaps the magical poo fairy had left a deposit for me, after years of neglect.
So it wasn’t me, it wasn’t mooooog and it wasn’t the poo fairy. There are no poo flinging monkey’s in Canada, so how the hell did it get there? It was then that I heard a noise. It was very faint, and it almost sounded like whistling.
That’s right dog, hang your head in shame. That is NOT where you’re supposed to poo. Now pick it up and put it on the front steps of the school, just like I taught you.
Good girl.
Haha. Poor moog almost got the blame for that. Also my lunch is now ruined thanks to the picture.
“Spaz, SMASHER OF LUNCH TIMES!” lol
Nivelo’s last blog post..[VIDEO]Beardyman mixes it up.
I’ve been to Canada multiple times after that beating. Hey…those strip joints won’t support themselves.
Also, thanks for the props…even though they do make it seem like I randomly shit on floors.
I do not randomly shit on floors.
When I shit on floors, it’s been methodically planned out.
Whatever…thanks for the mentions (6 o’s next time. 6. Leave the last O off for savings)
I haven’t been pimped out this much since my uncle came to town.
Perhaps I’ve said too much.
moooooog35’s last blog post..Lab #1: Insert Apple into Colon
And she couldn’t have moved over another 2 inches and got it on the rug?
I’m gonna have to have a talk with her about proper dog poop etiquette.
The poop has to go in the most difficult ro clean or annoying place. For example right beside the bed where you stand to get up in the morning, or right in the middle of the second step on the stairs so you step in it on the way down in the morning. The same etiquette rules apply for puke, urine, and hairballs. They also apply for puked up dog shit that they ate earlier in the day or any combination there of. Just simply because the dog may feel bad that they shat on the floor or even just hungry now that their stomach is empty. But sometimes the thought process isn’t there that if they eat the shit it may not stay down.
Poor Jinx… She is a good girl, she was just sick! but yeah she loves her own b’cause I would have shit all over your carpet! lol Just to see you on the ground scrubbing lol!!
Ne
Ne~ism’s last blog post..Just ME
I can tell by the look of the pics that it was one of those that the smell stayed on long after the poo was cleaned up. Ugh. Bad (but incredibly adorable) doggy! lol
Lady Sarcasm’s last blog post..Caption the dollhouse headed fool
I think your puppy’s had too much roughage.
kathcom’s last blog post..Top 5 Things to Do When You Grow Up
@Nivelo
I’m sorry I had to show you richard simmons. I hope your appetite returns.
@moooooog35
Absolutely not, you do plan out the shitting. And aren’t the french canadian whores the whoriest?
@Tech_Joe
She actually did get a little piece on the rug. It looked like an afterthought piece, an “oh yea i still have to shit” and she happened to be on the carpet at the time.
@Ne~ism
Yea, she is a good girl. She doesn’t often shit in the house, but when she pukes up whatever she ate outside, it’s ALWAYS on the rug.
@Lady Sarcasm
Yea, it stayed, but it’s not nearly as bad as when my 350 lb friend destroyed my toilet
@kathcom
Or not enough. You can never tell with dogs.
I’m not surprised that she did this. She must read your blog and see how obssessed you are with poop in general.
Just sayin’.
*smile*
quirkyloon’s last blog post..Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood!
Moog is just framing your dog, don’t fall for it.
Chris’s last blog post..You’ve Gone Too Far, Mr. Nabisco
If it was your dog, it’s a sign that she hates you and wants to battle. If it really was moooooog, it’s a sign of love.
chowner’s last blog post..I am now accepting applications for the seat in my sidecar
Great job figuring out the culprit! We may just have to call you Sherlock Spaz from now on!
Collette’s last blog post..Let Freedom Ring!
@quirkyloon
How can anyone not understand poo is funny?
@Chris
Yea I know, but don’t worry. I sent him the poo in an airtight package via donkey cart and he’ll get it and open it in about 2 months. Stench is on him
@chowner
My dog loves me and wants to battle. Battle is a sign of love
@Collette
I know! I should totally change profession!
You dress the dog in that incredibly gay neckerchief and all that happened is she dropped a dooce? You got off easy.
Joe’s last blog post..Caption This
This blog must certainly be the leading authority on poo in the whole interwebz.
When I played football in high school, my whole team got blames for shitting on the floor in lav at the practice field. However, it couldn’t have been any of us, because it was enormous… like a bowling ball. One kid on the team blamed it on a bear.
John J Savo, the Authoring Auctioneer’s last blog post..Array of Anathemas
You’re lucky it was only poo. And that it wasn’t wiped on the walls, the carpet, the couch, and other hard to clean areas..sadly enough my daughter once did that as a baby…I have blackmail for life.
nipsy’s last blog post..What Did Cotton Ever Do to Nipsy
Poor puppy! First she has to live with you ,and then she gets yelled at for not shitting in the right place! What kind of life is that!?!