Fatty fatty too fats
Chicken breasts, milk, cereal, frozen vegetables, apples and banana’s. That’s what I was stacking onto the conveyor at the grocery check out. The people ahead of me was a different story. Chips, more chips, and cola. Chocolate, pork rinds, ding dongs and yahoos. And oh, I have to hold up the line because I didn’t quite get enough chocolate, I need some kit kats don’tcha know. Gotta run, be right back, you all wait for us.
Ok well it wasn’t actually a run, it was more of a waddle.It wasn’t a particularly quick waddle either. Both of them had sweat by the time they returned, only going one aisle over.
Have you ever seen a huge giant gut? I’m talking about something so big you could park your truck in their belly button. That was this guy in front of me. Huge gut and skinny everywhere else. How the heck did he manage that?
Whatever the case, his wife didn’t manage that at all. She was fat EVERYWHERE. She had front tits, back tits, front boobs, back boobs, and at least eight chins, seven of which had hairy moles.
Yea, there is a point to this. We, as a country, or continent, are a bunch of fat ass’s. Everywhere I look there’s fatties, fatties everywhere. I’m not talking ten or twenty pounds too heavy. I’m talking teenaged hippo heavy. There’s absolutely no reason for it.
But apparently, having enough food available means we have to eat too much of it, and all of the wrong type. So I’ve come up with a solution. It’s called “skinny doors”.
At all you can eat buffet restaurants, doors will be installed that are no more than 2.5 feet wide. If you can’t fit through the door going front ways or sideways, then you don’t get in at all.
The same will be done for fast food restaurants.
And grocery stores will be set up completely differently. You’ll have the normal wide doors going in, but the front of the store will have only the essentials. Lean meats, whole wheat breads, fruits and veggies. To get to everything else, you have to get through a skinny door.
Did I mention that if you touch the skinny doors with any part of your anatomy, be it gut, gunt, back boob or front ass, it will deliver a HUGE electric shock?
You can thank me right now for solving the morbid obesity problem.
Your welcome.
I likey the booooooobies!...
You’ve also solved the chivalry problem.
Like I’m going to hold the door for a hot chick if I run the risk of electrocution.
Nice plan, asshat.
moooooog35’s last blog post..The Shit I Learn – Soccer Dad Edition
@moooooog35
Listen dummy, that’s 2.5 feet wide, not 2.5 feet tall. Midgets are so dull.
Don’t you hate when you see people in the grocery store but they refuse to acknowledge you? Why the hell didn’t you say “hi”. I like the idea on some levels but DON’T EVER get in my way when I need chocolate. It’s only once a month but when the urge strikes anyone with dangling bits better get the hell out of my way.
Jen’s last blog post..Michael Jackson Faked His Own Death
Chocolate, and pork rinds? I must have read that wrong the first time. I thought you said they managed to find the holy grail of junk food: The Chocolate Pork Rind.
What’s wrong with fucking people? We’ve got a serious problem down here where I live. How the fuck do they survive in three or four weeks of 100+ heat and high humidity? We’ve got two more months of it to go too. These folks sweat gallons of water a day, but they’ll eat Twinkies before they go back for more water. Fucking pigs!
RedRaider’s last blog post..The Times
AMEN!
When I’m at theme parks, I’m so embarrassed sometimes when a extremely overweight American crosses paths with tourists. I feel like they’re suffocating the poor people.
AD’s last blog post..NEW contest entry. Go vote!
What a marvelous idea. I’m sure you won’t have any trouble getting that bill through the legislature.
The Fat Lobby will come after you. And they are powerful. When they aren’t stuffing their faces.
The Mother´s last blog ..Modeling Vegas
Love the buffet door idea. But the fat ones would probably figure it out sooner or later that when you have the pizza guy deliver you don’t have to worry about fitting through doors. Although they might have a hard time pushing one button at a time on the phone.
Theresa´s last blog ..The Cone of Shame
I don’t make it to the polls that often… but I honestly would to vote for this.
P.S. If I EVER have back tits, I will off myself. It is the kinder thing to do.
LiLu´s last blog ..A Different Kind of Gay Porn
I forsee a clash with the breast augmentation movement though…
VE´s last blog ..Let’s Go Right Down into the Gutter
You should be a politician cause dang you make a good stance for change.
Meghan´s last blog ..I Like Birthday Bumps
@Jen
That was YOU? Hot!
@C.B.Jones
Do it. You’d make MILLIONS!
@RedRaider
Dood, we’re doomed. At least when society falls we’ll trim the fat – literally.
@AD
That’s just some entertainment for them, dear.
@The Mother
I’ll just distract them with donuts.
@Theresa
If they have to use a special dialing wand, they don’t get pizza.
@LiLu
OR it would give B something else to play with while making out with you. Just a thought.
@VE
Reassignment of fat?
@Meghan
Better than Obama?
i2JYvx etotvccoyagd, [url=http://mrmnflhewnhg.com/]mrmnflhewnhg[/url], [link=http://agnyoxtdvkbs.com/]agnyoxtdvkbs[/link], http://dkbxpqleminf.com/
Much better than Obama. Damn, I LOVE this idea!
Simple solution. We increase their welfare cheques so that they can buy more healthier foods, and just tax the corporations and middle class to pay for it. Should work, no?