The Mind of Spaz

Anyone that actually reads this blog might remember the beginning of the Febreze Saga. My friend Big “active anus” Eddie decimated my toilet to the point where it added a nice smelling fecal odour to my house which Febreze did nothing to mitigate.  So I wrote them.  You can read all about it here.

Well, they wrote back.

Thanks for contacting Febreze, Mike.

Our goal is to produce high quality products that consistently delight our consumers and I’m sorry this wasn’t your experience. Please be assured I’m sharing your comments with the rest of our team.

Since your satisfaction means a great deal to us, I’m sending compensation by postal mail. You should receive my letter within the next 2-3 weeks.

Thanks again for writing.

Of course, I had to respond.

Thank you for the very quick response. I will be sure to tell many people about the quality of customer service Febreze provides, and I hope the rest of your team enjoyed my letter as much as I hope you did.

The compensation package is appreciated but not necessary. I’ll still take it as I’m curious as to what your various product offerings are. That being said, the intent of my letter was not one of complaint, but to make you aware of an advertizing deficiency. I’m sure you can understand that your advertising claims to remove odours from air, but your product seems to fall short in the bathroom.

Perhaps your engineers can be made aware of this deficiency and work to improve your product in the future.

An improved formula that can destroy odours from fecal molecules, or poocules as I call them, can open up your company to manufacture a vast array of new and hopefully popular products to the end of massive financial gain.

With a product that can neutralized poocules, I can think of several potential new Febreze products:

1. The Febreze undergarment pad
2. Febreze disposable undergarments
3. Febreze under the rim toilet deodorizers
4. Febreze Portable battery powered travel deodorizers for public restrooms
5. Febreze Discreet Pocket sized hand held fresheners
6. Febreze Audio devices for idea #5 that emit a diversionary sound such as traffic or a dog barking

The above ideas are just from the top of my head, but you see where this is going.  And in today’s economy, I’m sure you can appreciate that any edge over the competition will work in your favour.

I would be more than happy to work with your company for product ideas from the resulting improvements of your formula to eliminate poocules.  My compensatory packages are very affordable, I assure you.

I did get a free can of Febreze, which I will be giving to Big Eddie for his birthday.  I think he might need it more than me.

dumb things I do to myself, poo febreze, free stuff, poo