The perfect poo
It’s not often you have the perfect poo. I’m talking all one long piece, comes out easily like someone greased it with Crisco, smooth exit, no splash back, zero clean up and it leaves you with a happily fluttering anus.
This morning I had such a poop.
It came without warning. I was filling the dogs food dish and BAM! There I am running to the toilet with the dog in hot pursuit cleaning up spilled kibble. There’s nothing like a surprise, especially a pleasant one.
I couldn’t believe it. There was no little piece hanging on the end that you had to wiggle your butt to get to drop. There was no leftovers or surprises, like when you think your done, you clean up, and you poo some more.
No ass rain, no associated flatulence, and the stink level was on the tame side of Liza Manelli. I didn’t need half a roll of toilet paper and the courtesy flush was entirely unesseccary.
I don’t know what I did to deserve such a wonderful poop. God knows I’m an asshole.
I mean, I didn’t even eat well yesturday. I’m pretty sure the piece of meat I had for dinner was growing green stuff, damned bachelor fridge.
It just goes to show you, even a jerkhole destined for a lifetime in hell can get a break once and a while.
Amen.
I likey the booooooobies!...
Dude.
In the business, we reference our feces based on ‘breakage.’
As in:
Guy #1: “Man..I just had a giant smash.”
Guy #2: “Yeah? Good one?”
Guy #1: “This big…no breakage.”
Then you try to outdo each other.
Jesus, man…it’s like I have to tell you everything.
@moooooog35
Well mooog, you are older and more experienced. I do look up, er down er something to you in that regard.
Why do I suddenly have April fresh douche ads running through my head?
Why didn’t we get a picture of it? What the hell, man?
I wonder if Hallmark produce a card for such occasions?
Well, it certainly sounds like quite a Hallmark moment! At least you didn’t need the Febreze for this one.
@Becky..AMHW
You can douche your anus?
@John J Savo
You will once I’ve finished shellacking and polishing it.
@Tiggy
I’ll look. If not, I’ll make one and send it in. What’s the worst that can happen, right?
@Winky Twinky
Nah, there’s another nice thing!
This post made me rofl. That is all. XD
@Foxglove
Glad my poop can entertain
Actually I should thank you for no pictures involved. I click on your blog while eating breakfast, godammit.
Ummmm… one would think that you of all people would know that there is indeed a douche for your anus. It’s called an enemea.
I think it’s called an enema because it sounds like enemy. Anything that shoots water (or anything else) up your arse should be defined as an enemy. Hence ene-ma.
And lets not forget the lumpy stuff you drank to clean your pipes. And boy howdy were they a wind tunnel once you were done.
Ahhh… happy times.
@Andhari
I’ll make sure I post pictures next time then.
@Vyolet
YES.
Anus is exit only.
Hit the nail right on the head, lady
yer an artist!
shoulda taken it to the taxidermist
Nothing like a finely crafted sculpturd. You are a sick man, Spaz.
Oh, my lord. Congratulations! I think we get one of those, like, once a decade! I actually had one earlier this year- I remember it vividly. I think I was texting B about it before I even left the bathroom.
My friends and I take pride in those big logs, too. In fact, we often take pictures of them and share.
Glad you enjoyed yours.
That’s what we call “laying cable!
I am always proud of those too. Som much so I will announce, “Man I just laid a foot and a half of cable in there!
It does my heart good to know that you have the perfect poo. Thank you so much for sharing. God is good.
LOL. That Liza Manelli bit cracked me up.
Too effing funny. Nothing better than the rare single piecer in a world of painting chocolate pudding.
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