Holy Fatman!
According to a study I read somewhere and I couldn’t be bothered to share with you, 69% of Americans are severely obese and 30% or so are considered morbidly obese.
Is that all? I thought there was more.
Regardless, it makes me feel much better about the 10 or 15 extra lbs I’ve been carrying around ever since being gainfully employed and bogged down by a stupid mortgage.
See, but I don’t understand. I don’t understand how you can’t stop eating after your belly reaches your knees. Why are you still popping entire pizza’s with a case of cola chaser when you’ve developed boobs on your back? Why is the chocolate almond bin at Bulk Barn your best friend when your biggest chin reaches your collarbone?
Don’t you think your inability to find clothes that fit would be your first signal to cut back?
Ahh, but there’s the rub. Rub as in what your thighs do, fatty. Not only are your heart attack, stroke and death laden body types now socially acceptable, but clothing is now made to accomodate. That’s right, front asses are now sewn into jeans.
The chinese clothing factory workers must think North America is full of Godzilla’s or some shit.
You know that pretty girl with the size 4 body, perfect thighs, perky tits and legs that go from here to the moon? You know those skimpy shorts she wears, those tank tops, those half shirt thingies that go over the skin tight shirt thingies that I have no idea what are called but look so good on our size 4 girl?
WHY THE HELL ARE YOU MAKING CLOTHING LIKE THAT IN MORBIDLY OBESE SIZE?
Come on. Seriously. Jiggling limbs and cellulite don’t look good. Being able to see the folds through the tight shirts is just mortifying. Yet there you are, all morbidly obsese, waddling down the street like you’re king shit.
When did everybody get the idea that this kind of fat looks good? If you’re unable to understand that in almost every case if the calories in are higher than the calories out, you’re going to get fat. And excess fat to the tune of morbid does not look good. At all. Probably because it’s incredibly unhealthy.
The fat acceptance movement is the biggest case of denial I’ve EVER seen.
So if you go to the zoo and the keepers try to throw you in the hippo enclosure, wear a moo moo.
Because that’s the only thing you should be wearing.
And FYI – wearing all black clothing will never have a slimming effect on you, ok? So just give it up.
I likey the booooooobies!...
The more time you spend on posts about fat people, the more obvious it is that you’re obsessed with them.
‘In the fold,’ you might say.
Yes, it’s one of those things that you can’t stop thinking about even though you want to because it’s horrific and mind boggling.
Kind of like how you constantly talk about how small your penis is.
You nailed it, and being from the fattest state in the fattest country, I see that shit daily. Two things to do to help lose that front ass. Burn more calories than you consume. Like fucking exercise at least once a month will ya? And very importantly is do NOT buy larger clothes. That’s a killer. Clothes are the best indicator that you may not be able to wipe your own ass within a few months.
The homoerotic tension between you and moooooog is deafening.
Also, sexy.
Dibs on peanut butter.
Wait, what?
Are you trying to say I shouldn’t have worn that bikini to the beach the other day? Because I’m pretty sure those people were throwing up before I got there.
Isn’t the moo moo the most appropriately named garment in history? They should only come in black and white patterns.
Oh wait. Black cows don’t exist.
Maybe that was someone else’s blog. I think it was JT or The Shark Tank.
The point is still valid, though.
Is it wrong that I agree with you?
@RedRaider
Exactly old man, exactly.
@LiLu
Oh, a moog spaz lilu sandwich. HOT.
@Jill Pilgrim
HA!
@Chris
You nailed it man.
@Suzy
NO, not at all!
Hilariously funny, saddly true…And now we have a 1/3 lb burger selection from McD’s,mmmmmm.
Speaking of “Holy Fatman!”, there was an old-time radio detective series called The Fat Man, which starred Jay Allan Long as the title character, over ABC in the 1949-50 season.
Its opening went as follows:
(The interested can listen to episodes therefrom here.)
One time I saw a fat girl tucking her hangy-down gut into her pants. Would that be called a gunt? I’m not sure.
PS I’m Canadian and we have loads of obese folk here too.
Gunt, Gock, it’s all fucking disgusting. Yet, because North Americans are so fucking lazy, we’ve made it socially acceptable rather than shunned as it should be. If it’s “ok” why bother changing? Why bother putting down that second bucket of chicken? You can even buy certain models of cars with bigger seats for fatter asses. Pisses me off!
btw- if it’s ok for people to say “Whoa! that chick is waaaaay too skinny- that’s not healthy why do I get dirty looks when I tell someone they’re fat and sloppy and please stop oozing into my side of the seat unless you’re going to pay half of my fucking ticket!?
Sorry- got a little stabby and rantish there.
fat people are just gross. and yes, that’s not politically correct to say, but come on, if you cant see your genitals because of your gut, the for fucks sake 1. hop on a treadmill or 2. stay inside because i dont want to see your disgusting flesh.
it’s not easy being skinny, but you know, id rather forgo that piece of cheesecake or be on top during sex and have people stare at me when i go out because i’m all legs-boobs-hair as opposed to people staring at me because i waddle.
You made me wish I was not fat, but not enough to forgo that slice of chocolate cheesecake in the fridge that is calling my name – hear it? Phillipia – eat me….