It has come to my attention…
…that you all seem to think the only thing I blog about is fat people. Moooog even thought that the world would come to an end should I stop blogging about fat people.
That is absolutely not true. I’ve been blogging about fat people LATELY. Not that I’ve been blogging and awful lot latey anyways.
I’d like to remind you all that I also blog about retards, twinkies (an extreme form of retardation especially involving people who are technically not retarded but really are), stupid idiots, and don’t forget, poo.
So it’s true that I’ve been focusing on the morbidly obese. How can I not? That’s all I see nowadays. Sweaty, disgusting, swollen, morbidly obese people.
My buddy Joe comes to mind. Not because he’s morbidly obese, far from it. He’s not even regularly obese, or fat, or chubby. No, he’s my fatty fatty too fats wingman. Let me give you an example.
Phone rings. I pick up. JOE: I’M AT THE GROCERY STORE AND I JUST SAW A PERFECTLY BALANCED WOMAN! Me: What the fuck? Joe: Her front boobs and back boobs and front ass and back ass are exactly the same! You could split her body down the middle and there would be no difference!
Do you see what I mean? The pefectly balanced woman. And Joe without a camera. BOTH TIMES he saw her. Fucker.
But come on. Ass’s should be on the back and boobs on the front. People are starving in Africa and we are so fat that we start growing extra body parts? How many chins does the average American need anyways?
Here’s what I want to do. Fly down to Ethiopia, pick the skinniest most starving man I can find, fly back to North America and take him to an all you can eat chinese food buffet. I want him to see all the morbidly obese people stuffing their faces with more food in one evening than he will see in a month’s time. And I want to take bets on his reaction. One side will say that he’ll think he’s died and gone to heaven and gorge himself. The other, he’ll be so completely overwhelmed with anger that not only do we have so much food we’re never hungry, but so much that we look like land manatee’s and that we could easily afford to feed the world (but we don’t) that he’ll find the first 8 boobed, 4 assed guy and beat the gravy out of his veins.
I’m going with the latter.
I likey the booooooobies!...
Have you been watching the Biggest Loser again?
mmm – yeah, i was one of those thinking you’ve been showing an obsessive pattern towards the obese fixation for awhile now.
It’s okay. Everyone needs a hobby (obsession).
Can you call me when you fly the Ethiopian guy out? There’s no way I’m missing that shit!
Still waiting for the Moog vs. Spaz Battle Royale.
Just sayin’.
yah i bet he’d lose his shit. i would!
“People are starving in Africa and we are so fat that we start growing extra body parts?”
As a black man I say: Screw Africa, the world needs more ass now!
If we get enough of these people out there, I will become Prime Minister.
Just to piss you off I’m going to start writing every day about the attractiveness of the Olson twins.
@A
The biggest loser? I have not been watching myself!
@Lakota
It’s one of my less controversial obsessions, believe it or not.
@kim
Yea, I might need some help holding him back …. nah, let’s let him kill some people.
@miss. chief
I lose my shit every morning around 7 am. In 50 years, I’ll be losing my shit at 7 am whether i’m awake or not.
@Knucklehead!
He’s older and more experienced, but I am able to write in paragraph form. It’ll be a tough battle.
@C.B. Jones
HA! Like the booty, eh?
@Jack Layton
No, no you won’t
@moooooog35
Which one do you like better, the drugged out one or the anorexic one? Wait, that’s both.
The Ethiopian would eat a won ton, puke, develop diarrhea, become dehydrated and then die. Don’t take him for Chinese. Take him to Taco Bell instead. There he would just turn around and demand to be taken back to Ethiopia for his morning gruel and muddy water brunch.
@RedRaider
Taco bell is probably the grossest thing man has ever devised.
Well there are no fat women in Idaho. NONE.
OK, actually it is just that the men here are REAL men and not metrosexuals so they are so manly and big and ya know, manly, that all the women look skinny in comparison.
I look downright anorexic.
I work in the fittest city in the fittest state in the nation. I never see anybody who’s overweight. Unless I catch my reflection in the sneeze guard at the Chinese buffet. That really dampens my appetite.
Joe is PHAT!