The Mind of Spaz

Well, I got my furnace fixed.  It wasn’t without its own trials and tribulations.

I mean, I was lucky enough, thanks to my friend Tech Joe (who comments here every once and a while and is my fat person wingman) to get a competant repairman out last night. Apparently this repairman owes Joe some favors. I don’t know what kind of favors. I don’t want to know what type of favors. And Joe, I’ll thank you to wipe that white crusty shit from the sides of your mouth.

So he fixed my furnace so quickly and efficiently I barley even noticed that he hasn’t washed his jumpsuit or himself since Allah parted the red seas. Or made the seas red with the blood of the infedels. Always get those two mixed up. Anyways, the stank was worth the skill.

But folks, the best thing happened: My house got warm and my testicles decended.  Which is a good thing for me but not necessarily for leftie.

That’s what I call my boys, lefty and righty.

You see apparently lefty had developed a relationship with my kidney while he was up there.  He used to have a relationship with one eye (that’s what I call my penis. One eye).  Well, everybody decended back to there they were, and boy was it awkward with lefty and one eye.  Real awkward.  They got into some sort of fist fight.

I don’t know what the hell they were doing down there, but man, did it hurt.  Got some strange stares at work too, because my crotch was moving around like Amy Winehouse at an all you can snort coke buffet.  I was offered work in the stage play of puppetry of the penis, but I couldn’t perform at my audition.

Yes, it seems that lefty and one eye have broken up and now one eye is hanging on the right side, much to righty’s chagrin. You see, righty and useless (that what I call my chode) have a little thing going on and one eye is just being the third wheel.

It’s not a good scene there folks, but I found the solution.

You see, things between lefty and one eye couldn’t be patched up until old bean (that’s what I call my left kidney, old bean) was out of the picture. So I got date raped.

Well, not date raped, but I got fed the drug. You see, I’ve heard rumors that hot chicks don’t actually want to date men, they just lead them on to drug them and take their kidneys to sell on the black market.  I didn’t know if this was true. I did know that having one eye lean to the right didn’t feel proper.  So I went out on a date with a hot chick.

By golly, it was true!  I ended up in a tub full of ice with holes in my sides and a note that said call an ambulance! I’ll tell you though, since old bean is out of the picture one eye is now hanging out with lefty and all is right with the world.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll go back to smoking what ever it is that I’m smoking.

talking out of my ass balls, Drugs, furnace