The Mind of Spaz

I got beat up this weekend.

I wish it was for something cool, like breaking up an extremist Muslim terror ring or having the balls to call Mike Tyson an ear biting pussy.

I wish I could say that it was from some big muscly biker doods when I knocked over their row of bikes.

I wish it was even from screaming “STAR WARS SUCKS” at a geek convention.

No, it was from a girl.

I wish it could say it was from a group of angry Latina gang members looking for their smack.  I wish I could say it was from a 300 lb bull dyke looking to beat on “the man”.  I wish I could even say that it was a fully grown woman.

This weekend, I got beat up by an 8 year old girl.

That’s right.  All one-hundred and ninety pounds of this hairy man animal got beat up by an eight year old girl.

I must admit it was a good fight.  I mean, I did grab this thing called a Bratz doll that was on the shelf of WalMart, and was the last one there. And I did see her on a dead run toward it.  But I was under strict instructions to get a Bratz doll for the birthday of another little girl.

She screamed at me, that was HER doll. GIVE IT NOW.  I told her that I was here first, and she can suck it up.  That’s when she hit me.

I was surprised, very surprised. She jumped on a nearby barny doll and started pumeling my face.  What a left hook!

So I hit her back. That’s right.  That uppercut right to her little jaw sent her pink hair clips shooting off her head and her flying off barney.

And that’s when she got REALLY mad.

I woke up in ICU with tubes all over.

I think there’s two lessons to this story:

1. We need to stop with all the hormones in beef. It increases strength and anger.
2. Don’t mess with today’s children.

That is all.

talking out of my ass barney, beat up, girls, lesbians, mike tyson