The Mind of Spaz

I never thought it could be like this.  But it is. I’m high! I’m so frigging high. I’m sitting here writing this and I’m high.

Excuse me. I have to go kill that tiny pink elephant. I’ll be right back.

Does anyone know how to get pink elephant gunk off your fourth leg? Anywhosits.

I’m high because some stupid old man thought his accelerator was his brakes. There I was, minding my own business at a stoplight, when all of the sudden, WHAM!  There was no screeching breaks, nothing like that.  Some old man just came screaming into me from behind, pushing me into the car in front of me.  The guy must have been 80, driving an ‘85 Dodge Van, which I believe is also 80 in car years.

So there I am with no more rear bumper and the truck a few inches shorter in the front too.

In retrospect, I wish he hit me just a little harder so the airbags would have went off when the front hit. That way the truck would have been a write off and I would have gotten a new one.

Regardless, I was pissed. The old coot kept mumbling something about his transmission.  Yes, the transmission made you jam on the accelerator towards the red light, you dumb fuck.

This is why old people shouldn’t be allowed to drive. Ok ok, don’t get all offended pansie assed on me. They can drive – little electric scooters. When you turn 75 your car gets traded in for a fortress 3000.  What are they gonna do about it. Throw their dentures at you? Besides, it’ll keep the roads safer.

Where was I. Oh yea, the drugs.

So anyways, this guy had a big van and he hit me hard.  I didn’t start feeling the pain until that night, but DAMN!  My back started hurting and spasming like a sonabitch.  Carried all through the weekend and into yesterday too.  So for the first time in about 5 years, I went to see a doctor.

See, the doc took a look and then sent me off for x-rays. I didn’t like that.  He did say that there was nothing obvious on the x-ray, not that he would know since I’m not quite human. On retrospect I should have seen the vet.  Regardless, he told me that I would be taking these pills for the next 7 days and to see how I felt after that. He told me to come back in right away if I felt weakness or tingling in my legs or I lost control of my bowels or bladder.  I guess getting rear ended by an 80 year old gives you depends transference, huh.

So it took two doses of these pills to kick in, but now i’m high as a kite and weak as a kitten. And I dont’ care about anything.

So yea, thanks old man, for getting me high for a whole week. Bless you, you retarded old coot.

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