The Mind of Spaz

I understand many of my readers are American. And by many I mean a large percentage of the limited amount of people who want to read my crap. And by crap, I mean the words that come out of my brain that don’t seem to make much sense because my mom did drugs while she was pregnant with me, I was dropped on my head many times, and I smoked crack between the ages of 4 months old to never having actually stopped.

I’m sorry.

Our political system is a little different than the American system.  You guys have two main parties and a smattering of independents that don’t matter.   We have four main parties plus a bunch of little parties. Political parties such as the green party, the communist party, the bible thumping christian party, the pot smoking party (a subset of the green party), the flaming homo party, and all sorts of others I can’t list here cuz who cares.

Control is by number of seats in Parliament. Parliament consists of a bunch of apes with no particular life skills arguing like little babies about topics that don’t matter while ignoring stuff that does matter.

In a related note, I’m not bitter at all.

Today, I’d like to tell you about the four main parties and their leaders.  We’ll start with right to left wing respectively.

The Conservative Party: Currently Mr. Steven Harper is the leader of this party. He is devoid of personality and if he cracked a smile his face would probably fall off. This group of Neo Nazi’s would kill their own mothers if it meant promoting their agenda.  However, they are the most honest of the parties and the least likely to bring Canada’s economy burning in flames. I say least likely because they are doing it, just slower than anybody else.

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The Bloc Quebecois: The second most dangerous party Canada has. The leader, Gilles Duceppe, only speaks english because it’s a law to. Otherwise, he’d kill ever english speaking Canadian alive.  This is pure conjecture on my part Mr. Duceppe, please don’t send me a letter bomb.  But the Bloc wants to separate themselves from Canada because they think they are special (they ARE special!) while keeping things like Canadian currency, military support, health care support and the like. This makes them a bunch of whiny little children that need a huge spanking that our overly liberal government won’t give. Also, I wonder what a Federal party who are separatists would do if they actually won power?

The Liberal Party: Their leader is Michael Ignatieff, who has lived in the United States longer than I’ve been alive.  Generally power is transferred back and forth between the Liberals and the Conservatives, and right now the conservatives are winning. This shows in the weenies they have for leaders lately.  These guys are pure socialist, which means that they like to take money from the working man and give it to the man who doesn’t want to work, while peeling off a bit from the top and stuffing it into their own pockets, ever increasing taxes to be able to afford the newest personal private jets.  Jackwads.

The NDP: The New Democratic Party (who has been around since the 50′s, so the new part is only now related to their intelligence and attitudes) is lead by Mr. Jack Layton.  I like to call him Jackmeoff.  While claiming to represent the common man, they actually are the most dangerous party to the common man there is. While taxes are indeed way to high in Canada due to our socialist incompetence, the NDP believe that they can reduce taxes to the common man, increase money to the welfare lifers, and increase taxes to the corporations. These jackwads believe that they can increase taxes to corporations without having them increase prices to the consumer or just plain open up shop in Mexico. I guess the NDP think we haven’t lost enough manufacturing to China and Indonesia and have to lose the rest of it.  With them in power, there will be just three people working while paying 3 billion percent taxes to feed the rest of Canada. Scary. Also, I had your stupid mustache Layton. It suits you.

Yes, I’m a bitter, bitter bastard.  I’ll have more on the Canadian political system if I can manage to keep my lunch down while thinking about it.

Spaz’s Book of the month – Portnoy’s Complaint

social commentary Bloc, Canada, Conservative, doomed, Liberal, NDP, Politics