The Mind of Spaz

People tell me I’m not constructive.  The time at work is sometimes wasted (I work for a municipality, wasting time is my only perk) and the time I spend at home is wasted.  Whatever, just because I enjoy doing things like getting my dog to poop on my neighbors lawn and installing air horns on my Ford Ranger doesn’t mean I’m not constructive.

Once upon a time, I had a thought.   Since thoughts are a rarity to me, I decided to act on the thought.  The thought was very, VERY original, and it went something like this:

If everybody in the world gave me a dollar, I’d be a thousandaire!

Then somebody told me there were something along the lines of 7 billion people on the planet.  Frankly, I’d much rather be a billionaire than a thousandaire.  So I started a website that allowed people to give me a dollar. In exchange, they’d get to live through me once I became a billionaire, plus they got some neat gadgets like an arcade and a casino and a digital route finder for that buck.

One lousy person gave me a buck.  You guys suck. It’s like you were all mad at me because you didn’t think of it first.  If I was dressed as a bum and holding a somewhat empty Timmies coffee cup I’d make more.

So when someone told me to do something constructive, I redid that site.  Believe it or not people, I actually make money on the Internet. Usually up to and around $400 a month. Part time, not doing much. I realized there is a formula for making money on the Internet.  For normal people anyways. I learned that if you do things a certain way + have some patience it can pay off.  Combine it with doing that right + actually working on it + the more work you put in the more you get out = more money.  Let me tell you that even though it took me  a long time to figure this out, I spend almost no time for that $400 a month.

So, I wrote a guide, wiped out my former begging website and redid it to sell the guide to all of you, for the low low price of $9.99. INTRODUCING!!

So, if any of you decide to help me promote this by:

1. blogging about it
2. twitting about it
3. linking to it in your blogs/websites
4. facebooking it

I will give you free access to the guide. Just email me at mindofspaz@gmail.com and show me a link to your promotion efforts, and I’ll give you free access.

Who doesn’t want something for free? We all do!

Constructive indeed!

dumb things I do to myself, good things, shameless promotion dreaming of a dollar

Not too long ago, my parents downsized their house. It was about time too – that 3000 square foot monstrosity of a McMansion was too big for them, me and my sister, let alone them for the past 12 or so years. So now, instead of a house four times the size of mine, they have a house only 2 1/2 the size of mine.

‘Downsizing’.

Anyways, as part of their move my old man spent upwards of my yearly salary redoing the house.   Part of that was the kitchen, and guess what?  I got the cabinets. Not that I’m complaining. These cabinets are only 5 years older than I am, instead of the ones I have which are 35 years older than I am. In other words, a significant improvement.

So, with hope in my heart, a gleam in my eye, myself and my hired contractor set off to redo the kitchen using the old/new cabinets.

As an aside, good quality floors are a flipping FORTUNE nowadays. What the hells with that? I asked the guy if for that price it would blow me.  He said he’d blow me. I said ew no thanks. He said it’ll still be $711.21 for the floor.  Bastard.

The contractor I have is good.  Really good. He knows what he’s doing I tell you. He’s the retired fire chief, works for my parents, has a lot of years of experience, and is damned spry for a 65 year old. There’s only one problem.

He farts.

Now, ordinarily that would be no issue whatsoever. I like farting myself. But you know, it’s ALL THE TIME. When he bends over. When he gets up. when he leans to one side or the other. When he uses a drill, or a saw, or a screwdriver, or sighs, or goes up the stairs, or goes down, or goes inside, or goes outside, he farts.

And they are long. And they stink. And they are wet.

It got so bad the other day that even when he wasn’t farting, he smelled like fart. I believe that’s because he sharted himself.

Regardless, I can suck it up. Because he’s a great contractor and he’s cheap. And lets face it, when he’s gone I can air out the house. Might take a week or two, but I’ll have a new kitchen AND a house that doesn’t smell like fart.

Win.

good things, poo fart, house, shart

Yea, I haven’t been around here.  I’ve been working on some other projects. Like this one.  And this one.  And this one.  And some other crap in the works.  But that’s ok, because I came up with something to make up for my not being around here.

Are you ready for the SUPER GIANT BIG HUGE ANNOUNCEMENT????

Yea, thanks for getting all exited there.  You, in the corner, wake up so I can tell you.

I MADE A MIND OF SPAZ E-BOOK!

One hundred and thirty one pages of somma the best crap here. And by best I mean the best of this blog which actually isn’t all that good, but you get the point.

This is also why downloading the book will cost you about the same as a cup of coffee.  Or half the price of anything you buy at Starbucks.

It’s on my Dreaming of a Dollar site cuz I got the software there to do all this fun stuff. So, if you are interested:

CLICK HERE TO GET A COPY OF THE MIND OF SPAZ E-BOOK!

Thanks!

good things, shameless promotion e-book, mindofspaz, spaz

This morning was much like any morning.  Alarm went off at 6 a.m.  I hit the snooze alarm only to realize that if I wasn’t at work at least an hour before my normal paid start time, there’d be hell to pay. The dog went out and refused to come back inside having found an old pigs ear she buried the month before.  My folks called saying they needed this that and the other thing.  I remembered all the other crap I had to do after work.   Oh yea, a pile of unpaid bills on the kitchen table.  The bank of Canada just announced yet another interest rate hike and last week the provincial government introduced a new ‘fuck the taxpayer up the ass’ tax.

I’m not whining.  That’s what everybody has to deal with every stinking day.  Whining friends, whiny co-workers, bullshit, everybody begging for what money you don’t have, an asshole government, and welfare lifers that have nicer shit than you do, the working stiff.

What a pile of flaming crack whores.

So I was thinking to myself “Spaz, if everyone gave you a dollar, it would mean nothing to them but you’d be rich enough to quit your day job and have a nice life and maybe even take a vacation. Man, that would be nice. A vacation.”

But how is everyone going to give me a dollar?  Then the idea struck. I’d make a website!

But of course, the feds only approve of panhandling when you’re an unwashed street bum pretending to have the shakes playing an aging guitar with your tongue because you only have one hand. That way, no one can see you get into your Mercedes and drive to your McMansion after making another $500 in quarters, loonies and toonies that day.  So if everybody was going to give me a dollar, I’d have to offer something in return.

That being said, I’m pleased to introduce my new site, Dreaming of a Dollar.com.

Yes, you too can give me a dollar, make me happy, and live vicariously through my happiness!  So, what do you get for your dollar?

• An arcade with hundreds of games
• An interactive casino
• A REALLY cool interactive route finder which takes you on a virtual tour of your driving route
• A bunch of other cool shit.

And what do you get for free?

• A chat room
• Two blogs, one of which features demotivational posters by yours truly
• And a chat room. Wait, I think I said that.
• And more to come.

Oh, and coming soon you will be able to get the mindofspaz ebook right from that site, due to the nature of the much more powerful software, so stay tuned for that.

I want everybody to go there! Hey, I’m offering a FREE SUBSCRIPTION to anyone who helps me promote the site.  That would include one or all of the following:

• add a link to your blog/website
• tweet about it
• blog about it
• facebook about it

Just email me at mindofspaz@gmail.com with the subject line ‘dreaming of a dollar’, let me know how you helped and I’ll set you up with a free subscription to Dreaming of a Dollar.

Thanks guys, you’re the best, and on one of the DOAD blogs you’ll get to hear all about my adventures trying for my freedom.

Love,

Spaz

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I don’t usually post strictly the work of others, but I felt this HAD to be shared. Read all the way to the end, wouldjas.

good things awesome cartoon, OH YEA!