The Mind of Spaz

I know I haven’t been around much lately.  And I’ve told that is a good thing. Let me explain.

To anyone who has been around this blog since the beginning (thank you, I can’t believe it, you are amazing), anyways, you’ve noticed my full attention hasn’t been paid to it lately. By lately I mean the last, say, 60 horrible posts.

I’ve gotten worse and worse.

Now, for some reason my father found my blog. Since I don’t put anything personal on it (like taking the poop yourself before a colonoscopy drink for no good reason) I haven’t minded.

I was having lunch with my old man last week. I’m his spawn, so we both dabble in mental retardation. Last weeks retardation was ordering hot and sour soup with a big bowl of extra hot sauce. We took turns adding more hot sauce, with the winner being the guy that didn’t make a hot spicy shart before getting home.

In between nose blows and tears of pure Jalapeno oil, he asked me if I was still going to write in that Spaz blog.

I told him no, I was doing other things, I didn’t have time.

He said “That’s good son, because your blog was getting lame. REALLY lame.”

I got called lame by a 60 year old accountant.

For that, I apologize everybody.

Also, I don’t want to abandon a PR3 website just cuz I’m lame. So I’m going to be taking this thing into a new direction. Whatever that direction might be. When I figure it out.

Cya’ll on the flipside of trying not to be so lame.

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Hi kiddies and dolts.  I have to tell you, I’m sorry.

I know, I haven’t been around much at all.  I’ve been busy with other stuff, stuff and such, crap and all that.

See, I’ve had this thing lately where I’ve wanted to try to see if the internet can make me money.  I tried online prostitution but when my Johns found out I wasn’t a 97 lb Vietnamese whore the got really, REALLY angry for some reason.  So that didnt’ work for me.

I actually have a site called www.truthofwater.com that makes me about $100 a month in google ad clicks. Not bad, not bad, but after spending a lot of time and effort doing this site and then doing some research, I found out I did some stuff, some very IMPORTANT stuff, wrong all wrong, so wrong.  Doing things wrong is pretty normal for me.  Anyways.

I’m trying something brand new. No, it’s not telling people Im NOT a veitnamese whore and still seeing if they want my services. No, I’m trying something called niche marketing and therefore have started a Niche blog.

And if everybody reading this adds www.putergamers.com to their blogrolls and link lists and maybe even adds it to their favorite social network, I’ll do you for free. Or not do you, whatever makes you happiest.  And usually it’s the latter that makes people the happiest for some reason. Daym my life sucks!

Anyways! Help a brother out, will ya?

Loves you’s

-Spaz.

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Yea, I haven’t been around much.
Yup, I probably won’t be posting my usual 300-500 word lengthy blog posts that take me minutes and minutes to complete.

I’ve been busy lately. Yea, working two jobs.  Not to make ends meet mind you, because the second job actually isn’t classified as a job because I’m not getting paid.

See? I’ve been telling you all along that I’m retarded and only most of you believed me.  Now ALL of you can believe me for doing WORK and not getting paid.

It can’t actually be classified as volunteer work either, because the only benefit out of this is my own.  And it will ONLY be my own. Screw all you mental misfits and poor folk that need money! Go get a job and quit begging for cheeseburger money outside of McDonalds.

Also, when I go into McDonalds and get you cheeseburgers, don’t give me the look. If you don’t want cheeseburger don’t ask for one.

Fucking bums.

Anyways, in lieu of actual content, have a gander at this lovely poster created with the help of our friends at BIG HUGE LABS.

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The guys over at the humorbloggers.com are having some sort of summer camp week, and I am doing some sort of campfire story.  Anywhosits, here it is:

Ok folks, nice to have you around the campfire so to speak.  Today, I’m telling you all a campfire story, started by thinkingofyou.

And I’ll start the story as soon as thinkingofyou quits leaning over the campfire. Those are NEW boobs thinking, and they’re not made of conventional human flesh. Frankly, as much as there are people here who’d like to touch them, tromping on them to put out the explosive fire isn’t on anyone’s to do list.  Thanks, you have a seat over there.

Now, let’s begin. It was a dark and stormy night and CHELLE B IF YOU DON’T STOP CLEANING THAT DAMNED RIFLE ALREADY I’M GOING TO SHOVE IT RIGHT UP YOUR BEHIND! And quit pointing it at my head!  And the other head. Ok fine, you can polish it. I don’t need another orifice, thanks.

So it was a dark and stor – Moooooooooooooog! What the HELL are you doing over there?  I don’t care how small it is, quit moooging over thinking’s new boobs. I’m trying to tell a story here and frankly, that’s just creepy.  Fine, you go into the woods and pinch a loaf for half an hour, see what I care.

Let’s continue.  It was a dark and st – Garnzo, what are you doing.  Acting the scene out? Did I ASK for anybody to act it out? You don’t even know the story! And how the hell did you plan on acting out a dark and stormy night? Jenn Thornson, can you make him a smore to keep him busy please.  What do you mean you ate all the Hersheys? Ugh. Just go see moog, he’ll give you something dark and chocolaty.  Garnzo will never know the diff.

The night was stormy and da – oh WHAT NOW.  Yes wanna smile, the squirrel is fucking cute.  We all think squirrels are cute. Are you happy now? Are you happy that I acknowledged the stupid squirrel as being cute?  Fine. Good. Let’s get going now.

It was a dark and stor – VE! Jannaverse! Lady Sarcasm! Hussy! Don! Crotchety! I don’t care how much you want to start that orgy, It’s STORY time!
Oh for fucks sake.  The damned hook was still in the car when the guy got out. That’s how it ended. Now go do your stuff.

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That’s right, your favorite spastic idiot has become urbanized.

No, I didn’t get some cooth, whatever the hell cooth is.  I didn’t comb my hair, get a new wardrobe, become a meterosexual or buy a condo on the 3 millionth floor of a major metropolitan area.

I didn’t switch up my plain black coffee for some horribly expensive concoction at Starbucks that contains everything BUT coffee.

My beer has NOT been replaced by Zinfidel or metropolitins or anything with a gay little umbrella.

And when you look at me you still think “Look at that high class redneck with his hygiene and such – who’s he trying to fool, he’s still a redneck”.

No, by urbanized I don’t mean I’ve become some liberal voting, namby pamby meterosexual faggy looking black rimmed glasses wearing man purse toting freak. Nope, none of that at all.

Do your remember the other day, when I got that free can of febreeze? I know you all do.  Well, I seem to invented a word. A word called ‘poocules’.

It’s now in the ubran dictionary, thanks to me.

So I can now say I’m urbanized, and I can PROVE that I actually invented a word.

Now THAT is awesome.

Feel free to use poocules wherever you’d like, but just give me a prop or two, would you?

And do visit the Urban Dictionary and thumbs up my poocules, huh?

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