Are you ready for the SUPER GIANT BIG HUGE ANNOUNCEMENT????

Yea, thanks for getting all exited there.  You, in the corner, wake up so I can tell you.

I MADE A MIND OF SPAZ E-BOOK!

One hundred and thirty one pages of somma the best crap here. And by best I mean the best of this blog which actually isn’t all that good, but you get the point.

This is also why downloading the book will cost you about the same as a cup of coffee.  Or half the price of anything you buy at Starbucks.

It’s on my Dreaming of a Dollar site cuz I got the software there to do all this fun stuff. So, if you are interested:

CLICK HERE TO GET A COPY OF THE MIND OF SPAZ E-BOOK!

Thanks!

I’m not whining.  That’s what everybody has to deal with every stinking day.  Whining friends, whiny co-workers, bullshit, everybody begging for what money you don’t have, an asshole government, and welfare lifers that have nicer shit than you do, the working stiff.

What a pile of flaming crack whores.

So I was thinking to myself “Spaz, if everyone gave you a dollar, it would mean nothing to them but you’d be rich enough to quit your day job and have a nice life and maybe even take a vacation. Man, that would be nice. A vacation.”

But how is everyone going to give me a dollar?  Then the idea struck. I’d make a website!

But of course, the feds only approve of panhandling when you’re an unwashed street bum pretending to have the shakes playing an aging guitar with your tongue because you only have one hand. That way, no one can see you get into your Mercedes and drive to your McMansion after making another $500 in quarters, loonies and toonies that day.  So if everybody was going to give me a dollar, I’d have to offer something in return.

That being said, I’m pleased to introduce my new site, Dreaming of a Dollar.com.

Yes, you too can give me a dollar, make me happy, and live vicariously through my happiness!  So, what do you get for your dollar?

• An arcade with hundreds of games
• An interactive casino
• A REALLY cool interactive route finder which takes you on a virtual tour of your driving route
• A bunch of other cool shit.

And what do you get for free?

• A chat room
• Two blogs, one of which features demotivational posters by yours truly
• And a chat room. Wait, I think I said that.
• And more to come.

Oh, and coming soon you will be able to get the mindofspaz ebook right from that site, due to the nature of the much more powerful software, so stay tuned for that.

I want everybody to go there! Hey, I’m offering a FREE SUBSCRIPTION to anyone who helps me promote the site.  That would include one or all of the following:

• add a link to your blog/website
• tweet about it
• blog about it
• facebook about it

Just email me at mindofspaz@gmail.com with the subject line ‘dreaming of a dollar’, let me know how you helped and I’ll set you up with a free subscription to Dreaming of a Dollar.

Thanks guys, you’re the best, and on one of the DOAD blogs you’ll get to hear all about my adventures trying for my freedom.

Love,

Spaz

It was a shitty drag and drop HTML site that basically was really ugly but allowed you to write in and ask water related questions. Like filters, softeners, products and strange smells, air in your water, etc.  Moooog even wanted to know why water was wet.  I think it pissed him off that I had an actual answer.

Yes, that’s me that has that site.  I know it’s hard to believe, but I did go to school, I am an engineer and I do have expertise in something REAL. Everyone needs to ‘earn’ a living.

Well, I updated that site. I redid it into a real website that uses an SQL database so it can DO THINGS.  Now you can search through answers and articles. You can even become a contributor and have the chance to earn MONEY through a revenue sharing program. I know, right?

So I would appreciate if everybody who actually reads this crap check out The Truth of Water and perhaps even social bookmark it or add a link somewhere if you like the site and think it’s a valuable addition to the interwebs.

I personally will give everyone who does oral sex if they help me.

Ok, no oral sex. Just my eternal gratitude.

Remember, truthofwater.com!

To anyone who has been around this blog since the beginning (thank you, I can’t believe it, you are amazing), anyways, you’ve noticed my full attention hasn’t been paid to it lately. By lately I mean the last, say, 60 horrible posts.

I’ve gotten worse and worse.

Now, for some reason my father found my blog. Since I don’t put anything personal on it (like taking the poop yourself before a colonoscopy drink for no good reason) I haven’t minded.

I was having lunch with my old man last week. I’m his spawn, so we both dabble in mental retardation. Last weeks retardation was ordering hot and sour soup with a big bowl of extra hot sauce. We took turns adding more hot sauce, with the winner being the guy that didn’t make a hot spicy shart before getting home.

In between nose blows and tears of pure Jalapeno oil, he asked me if I was still going to write in that Spaz blog.

I told him no, I was doing other things, I didn’t have time.

He said “That’s good son, because your blog was getting lame. REALLY lame.”

I got called lame by a 60 year old accountant.

For that, I apologize everybody.

Also, I don’t want to abandon a PR3 website just cuz I’m lame. So I’m going to be taking this thing into a new direction. Whatever that direction might be. When I figure it out.

Cya’ll on the flipside of trying not to be so lame.

I know, I haven’t been around much at all.  I’ve been busy with other stuff, stuff and such, crap and all that.

See, I’ve had this thing lately where I’ve wanted to try to see if the internet can make me money.  I tried online prostitution but when my Johns found out I wasn’t a 97 lb Vietnamese whore the got really, REALLY angry for some reason.  So that didnt’ work for me.

I actually have a site called www.truthofwater.com that makes me about $100 a month in google ad clicks. Not bad, not bad, but after spending a lot of time and effort doing this site and then doing some research, I found out I did some stuff, some very IMPORTANT stuff, wrong all wrong, so wrong.  Doing things wrong is pretty normal for me.  Anyways.

I’m trying something brand new. No, it’s not telling people Im NOT a veitnamese whore and still seeing if they want my services. No, I’m trying something called niche marketing and therefore have started a Niche blog.

And if everybody reading this adds www.putergamers.com to their blogrolls and link lists and maybe even adds it to their favorite social network, I’ll do you for free. Or not do you, whatever makes you happiest.  And usually it’s the latter that makes people the happiest for some reason. Daym my life sucks!

Anyways! Help a brother out, will ya?

Loves you’s

-Spaz.

I’ve been busy lately. Yea, working two jobs.  Not to make ends meet mind you, because the second job actually isn’t classified as a job because I’m not getting paid.

See? I’ve been telling you all along that I’m retarded and only most of you believed me.  Now ALL of you can believe me for doing WORK and not getting paid.

It can’t actually be classified as volunteer work either, because the only benefit out of this is my own.  And it will ONLY be my own. Screw all you mental misfits and poor folk that need money! Go get a job and quit begging for cheeseburger money outside of McDonalds.

Also, when I go into McDonalds and get you cheeseburgers, don’t give me the look. If you don’t want cheeseburger don’t ask for one.

Fucking bums.

Anyways, in lieu of actual content, have a gander at this lovely poster created with the help of our friends at BIG HUGE LABS.

Ok folks, nice to have you around the campfire so to speak.  Today, I’m telling you all a campfire story, started by thinkingofyou.

And I’ll start the story as soon as thinkingofyou quits leaning over the campfire. Those are NEW boobs thinking, and they’re not made of conventional human flesh. Frankly, as much as there are people here who’d like to touch them, tromping on them to put out the explosive fire isn’t on anyone’s to do list.  Thanks, you have a seat over there.

Now, let’s begin. It was a dark and stormy night and CHELLE B IF YOU DON’T STOP CLEANING THAT DAMNED RIFLE ALREADY I’M GOING TO SHOVE IT RIGHT UP YOUR BEHIND! And quit pointing it at my head!  And the other head. Ok fine, you can polish it. I don’t need another orifice, thanks.

So it was a dark and stor – Moooooooooooooog! What the HELL are you doing over there?  I don’t care how small it is, quit moooging over thinking’s new boobs. I’m trying to tell a story here and frankly, that’s just creepy.  Fine, you go into the woods and pinch a loaf for half an hour, see what I care.

Let’s continue.  It was a dark and st – Garnzo, what are you doing.  Acting the scene out? Did I ASK for anybody to act it out? You don’t even know the story! And how the hell did you plan on acting out a dark and stormy night? Jenn Thornson, can you make him a smore to keep him busy please.  What do you mean you ate all the Hersheys? Ugh. Just go see moog, he’ll give you something dark and chocolaty.  Garnzo will never know the diff.

The night was stormy and da – oh WHAT NOW.  Yes wanna smile, the squirrel is fucking cute.  We all think squirrels are cute. Are you happy now? Are you happy that I acknowledged the stupid squirrel as being cute?  Fine. Good. Let’s get going now.

It was a dark and stor – VE! Jannaverse! Lady Sarcasm! Hussy! Don! Crotchety! I don’t care how much you want to start that orgy, It’s STORY time!
Oh for fucks sake.  The damned hook was still in the car when the guy got out. That’s how it ended. Now go do your stuff.

No, I didn’t get some cooth, whatever the hell cooth is.  I didn’t comb my hair, get a new wardrobe, become a meterosexual or buy a condo on the 3 millionth floor of a major metropolitan area.

I didn’t switch up my plain black coffee for some horribly expensive concoction at Starbucks that contains everything BUT coffee.

My beer has NOT been replaced by Zinfidel or metropolitins or anything with a gay little umbrella.

And when you look at me you still think “Look at that high class redneck with his hygiene and such – who’s he trying to fool, he’s still a redneck”.

No, by urbanized I don’t mean I’ve become some liberal voting, namby pamby meterosexual faggy looking black rimmed glasses wearing man purse toting freak. Nope, none of that at all.

Do your remember the other day, when I got that free can of febreeze? I know you all do.  Well, I seem to invented a word. A word called ‘poocules’.

It’s now in the ubran dictionary, thanks to me.

So I can now say I’m urbanized, and I can PROVE that I actually invented a word.

Now THAT is awesome.

Feel free to use poocules wherever you’d like, but just give me a prop or two, would you?

And do visit the Urban Dictionary and thumbs up my poocules, huh?

So, let’s see how this guy rips me from poo to fat chick.

Enjoy.

********************************

Here he is! Spaz, The man of the hour, which is fifty-five minutes
more than he takes to write one of his posts.

But who is the Spaz that apparently has a Mind which we should be made
aware of? Well, that’s why Cthulu created “About” pages. His picture
shows a man who is obviously proud of his watch, or his beefy arm, or
calling people out at home plate.

He’s a Canadian in Ontario so odds are he’s a Maple Leafs fan, which
would explain his Wendel Clark-like goatee. You might ask yourself why
someone would kept a goatee in memory of someone who hadn’t played for
the Leafs since 1996 but then again irrelevancy is a way of life for
Maple Leafs fans (they’re still mad about the ‘93 Conference Finals
against Gretzky’s LA Kings).

But enough about the man who looks like the brother of Egon Spengler
who ate paint chips instead of learning how to bust ghosts, let’s look
at his blog, which bills itself as “Social Commentary with a Side of
Flatulence.”  Oh good, I was sick of of all these private commentary
sites that spring up like so many Tim Horton’s. And I’m glad that the
flatulence is on the side, because farts are garnish.

So… Spaz likes to talk about poop. A lot. Christ, Robert Mapplethorpe
wasn’t even this interested in poop. Is Spaz short for Spastic Colon?

But don’t think that Mind of Spaz is just one long brochure for
irritable bowel syndrome. It’s also the largest repository for fat
chick pictures this side of the folder holding all the Nutri-System
“Before” pictures.   Baby got back?  No baby got front, sides, and
everything in between.

Most of these pictures end up as part of fake motivational posters,
perhaps for the purpose of your office co-workers including them in a
hilarious email to be passed around your office until Human Resources
puts a stop to it.  So next time HR forces you to sit through a
tedious meeting regarding proper use of office email and Internet
usage, you can probably thank Spaz for that.

But Mind of Spaz wasn’t Spaz’s first blog. His first was called
Spazoid’s Space, which was just like Mind of Spaz except with a
Blogger template. And the last two months of material were just
cross-posts from his water-filtration blog, which is actually funny.
Reverse osmosis system? Ultraviolet disinfection device? The jokes
write themselves, which leaves Spaz a lot more time to scour Google
images for the morbidly obese.

Water filtration, poop and fat girls… I don’t know what Spaz is into
when it comes to bedroom activities, but I’m thinking it involves a
lot of Indian food, a Brita filter, and a tub of Crisco.  Just don’t
forget the plastic tarp, unless you really enjoy constantly steam
cleaning your carpets.

Anyway the side of flatulence hadn’t shown up yet at Spazoid’s Space,
though the poop was always there. Instead he was “hurdling towards
insanity.” Obviously the path to madness involves a 11o-meter Olympic
event.  Not quite as impressive as the other guy “HURTLING” toward
insanity, and obviously not as quick either.

But Spaz gives back to the HumorBloggers.com community, always eager
to help out. He’s an author on the community blog.  He’s a fixture in
the forums and the chat room, much like how AIDS was a fixture in the
musical Rent.  I recall him once asking the forum if he needed a
tetanus shot after stepping on a nail while renovating his basement,
because as we all know the best medical advice comes from an internet
message board full of people whose expertise is jokes about dicks,
farts, and Vince the ShamWow guy. SlapChop your lockjaw away!

So let us direct a round of applause for Spaz, but not the
slow-building kind that comes at on the tail end of a big emotional
speech at the end of an 80’s movie. That’s for special occasions.
But let’s at least applaud him for taking the slings and arrows of a
notorious liar and fabricator with the grace and dignity befitting a
noble water management technician with a colon that could bench press
a zamboni.

**************************************************

That. Was. AWESOME!

‘Nuff Said

Seriously.

Humorbloggers [dot] com is probably the best social networking group around. If you have a blog, and you think you’re funny, you should join up. Really.

So anyways, in order to commemorate and draw attention to this kick ass social networking group (owned and operated by the ever lovely Chelle “smokin’ hot” B), I’m hosting the HBDC story meme.

In essence, a group of talented HBDC writers have volunteered to write a story, one paragraph at a time. A communal effort.  When it’s all said and done, I’ll be posting the story, in it’s entirety, up on the HBDC website.

Seriously, it’s going to be some crazy fucked up shit. You will NOT want to miss it. Oh, and if you want to read the rules of the meme, click here.

So I’ll be starting off the story, such as so:

Wanda was always confused.  Not about work, because she loved what she was doing.  Not about her friends or her hobbies,because her social life was great. It wasn’t her looks either, because she was tall, lean and had an absolutely perfect rack, the best money could buy. No, Wanda was confused because she has a penis.

The next person to pick up the story is The Shark Tank.

Followed by, in order:

• Venom
• The Offended Blogger
• AmyOops
• Sanity on Edge
• Lady Sarcasm
• Nonamedufus
• Out of the mouth of Dave
• Debbie Does Drivel
• Ann’s Rants
• Wannasmile
• Soggy Doggy Bloggy
• Write in the Kisser

So if you want to follow it along as it goes, there’s your list to go by. If you want to read it all completely, don’t worry, I’ll be posting the link when it’s done.

Happy funny writing everybody!