This woman was telling the camera that even though she lost 200 lbs (she lost an entire ME and still weighed 400 lbs), she still had hygiene issues. No duh. Basically she said that no matter how clean she tried to keep, she always smelled and therefore always carried perfume with her. Yes, that’ll help. You get fat roll stink from all that roll cheese and add perfume? So what, flowery roll cheese smell?

This prompted me to write the people at  about a new product idea called Roll Cheese Febreze. I’m sure whoever gets this will do a company wide Action Alert about how awesome the product is. Here is the actual letter I have sent the company.

To whom it may concern. I understand that your product doesn’t just mask smell, it removes it. I was recently watching a show on a woman who weighed over 400 pounds. In this program she mentioned no matter how much she washed, she always smelled because of her weight. To mitigate that smell she used a lot of perfume, but of course, that won’t take away the smell will it? You will just have flowery foul body odor. This is why I think you should make a special product that eliminates this odor, instead of covering it up. You can call it “Roll Cheese Febreze”. As in, this product will remove the smell from your roll cheese and not cover it up. With over half the population of the United States and Canada being considered obese or morbidly obese, I bet this product will sell well.

If you produce this product, will I get royalties?

Sincerely,

Mike

If I do get royalties, I think I’m going to be rich! Or sued. Whatever.

Point being, I firmly believe our modern first world society has hit its peak and has been in decline for 40 years at least. History speaks that societies end before new ones begin, and more often then not it’s a violent ending. Ours will be no different.

Ok, so the world might end. Am I dumb to be a little paranoid? Most people say yes, but pardon my french, those are the people who are going to die. HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA naysayer! DIE! DIE DIE DIE!!!

Whatever. See, the thing is, being prepared for something that won’t happen is way better than not being prepared for something if it does.

So here’s the thing to think about. Think about it good. When you turn on the tap and water comes out, do you ever think about what it takes to make that happen? How about when your furnace comes on? Or when you drive somewhere in your car? Or what it takes to keep a fresh and stocked grocery store? Have you ever thought of what would happen if all those were taken away?

Most people don’t. Which is why if and when something bad happens, longer than three days, people will be totally and completely lost. When that happens, friends and neighbors will no longer be friends and neighbors, because it’ll be you and yours. That’s all that will matter.

This is why end of the world experts say one of the most important things you need to have are weapons. Because in the face of death, your neighbors will have no problem killing you over a can of spaghettios, because that can will keep them alive for another few days. This is what desperation breeds. Don’t believe me? I don’t care. It wasn’t me that said it but it makes complete logical sense. I plan to be prepared enough (I hope) that I don’t need to kill anyone over Chef Boy R Dee, but I’ll be damned if anyone’s taking my Ravioli!

The other thing is that the city is the LAST place you want to be when complete chaos erupts. It takes thousands of tonnes of food and things running into a city on a daily basis to keep it running. That’s cut off, and the city starves very quickly. Then you have a vast population stuck in a small surface area competing for meager resources. See the note above. SO. One of my favorite hobbies is interior camping. I have most of the equipment I need to set up a camp. I’ll have the weapons to get me some game and hopefully I can make a go of it.

Lastly, WATER.  Water is one of the most important considerations you can make. I wrote an article on my other website, The Truth of Water.  Click Here to read how to be prepared for water shortages.

I really don’t know everything and even if I did it’s still a crap shoot. This is why I’m reading up on the subject, and you should too.

Here’s how I sum it up. Paranoia won’t cost you too much except a bit of money and a corner of your basement for the equipment. Be prepared and know how to act and if it ever does happen, act on it. Your job, OUR job, is to survive long enough for the chaos to die down, the idiots who are going to die, die (and there will be a lot of them). Once that all happens, I firmly believe the more intelligent of us who did survive will band together in small groups, setting up small communities and letting the strengths of numbers take over to build a new life.

Anyone that wants to come with me, make sure you have a pack and your survival gear. If you’re a good looking woman between the ages of 27 and 38, you are more than welcome to share my tent.

/end paranoia!

This year for my birthday, I’m going to solve two problems. Well, I’m going to lesser the burden on a couple of problems.

In many countries around the world, Military service is mandatory. Usually at age 18, you are required to provide two or more years of mandatory military service.

Well, I propose we introduce a similar concept in North America, but it won’t be military service.

It’ll be exercise service.

You see, every able bodied citizen MUST commit to at least 1 hour a week of riding a stationary bicycle.

But it won’t be just any stationary bicycle. The bicycle will be attached to a power generator.

Yes, ever person will be required to pump cycle power back into the grid for a least one hour a week.

This will not only reduce our dependance on fossil fuels, it will perhaps take the edge of North Americas morbid obesity problem. Maybe.

Think it’s a good idea? Pass it around. Maybe it’ll be the next green movement.

Jon Gomm is amazing.

And funny.

And if you’re not from over there and you don’t laugh at this, you need a colonoscopy. Or something.

It was the usual pocket dial, back ground noise, people yelling, dogs barking, all the normal things that go on at Tech Joes house.

Except the phone wasn’t in his pocket at the time.

I let Tech Joe listen to the message, and he was confused. He knew exactly what time this was – he was out on the porch with a beer. The little dog started barking so he came back in to shut her up, then he shut up the big dog. He talked to his wife for a bit then went back outside.

The whole time, his phone was on his desk plugged in to charge. The kid was in bed so it wasn’t the kid who did it.

No one touched the phone from well before then to first thing this morning when he retrieved it from the charger to take it to work.

Something called my work phone (probably the last dialed number as I had talked to him earlier in the evening) and hung up 3 minutes later.

His house is over 100 years old and when they moved in, they had to get rid of the cats because they went nuts.

WEIRD creepy shit. I’m going to get myself a ghost hunting kit or something and see if I can find any spirits. If you believe in this stuff. I’m starting to maybe. Maybe the spirit will even be some hot chick and I can get my ghost on!

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Please check out The Beagle Freedom Project.

If I was to show you an apple, you’d all say it was an apple right?

I have a penis between my legs. I’m a boy.

If I had a vagina between my legs, I’d be a girl.

Some people are fucking stupid. I really don’t care if you want to hurt your own damned selves, but when you involve other, innocent people it takes it to another level. Especially with children.

And I can’t see ANY psychological problems coming from this, at all. None whatsoever.  I’m sure the kid won’t be made fun of or belittled in any way, and the kid CERTAINLY won’t be confused!

Effing retarded parents!

There are just too many similarities to deny. I’ve put them in a table below.

As you can see, the similarities are just too strong to deny.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll need to finish my list of who’s going into heaven. It’s rather short, so I’ll still have time for beer and pretzels.

Good luck to the rest of you.