Thinker of topics not thought of. Taker of stances not taken. Clairvoyant to the point of stupidity. Monopolizer of conversations. Giver of atomic wedgies. All this and more, The Mind of Spaz.
I’m a Dismal Failure
August 5th, 2010
Well. I come up with a Mind of Spaz ebook, get HUNDREDS of post views, and only like, 7 people were interested in getting a free ebook? Am I that boring?
I attribute it to the fact that I barely post in this blog anymore, I’m hideously ugly, and I’m not Jerry Seinfeld. I mean, Seinfeld made tens of millions on a SHOW about nothing. I just want a few hundred bucks from my shitty ebook. Maybe like Seinfeld, I need to have it my own blog but have the real talent be everyone else. Who wants to do a guest post?
But hey, I got one girl disagreeing with my ‘woman list’ on the below post, and one marriage proposal. AND the girl that asked me to marry her emailed me and told me she LIKED the book. She even used the word ‘genius’. Poor girl. If she only knew the real Spaz.
Anyways, I’m going to leave the ‘contest‘ open for a few more days, for anyone else that wants their free copy. Just gimme a comment and satisfy my attention whore, would you?
How to keep the girl + Free Ebook
August 2nd, 2010
Firstly, I’d like to say that I’m not THAT greedy. Therefore, the first 50 people to comment on THIS post will get a FREE MIND OF SPAZ E-BOOK yay! Seeing as I’ve NEVER gotten 50 comments before, I’m not too worried about losing too much money. Not that anyone has bought one yet. One person has one but I gave it to her for free for pimping my lowly ass.
Also, the whole free thing will be closed by the next time I post. And judging from my current track record, that’ll be a while.
Moving on.
Things to do/not to do when trying to win the girl, from experience:
- Unless their mother is HOT, don’t tell her she looks like her mother
- Never agree with her that her mother is ugly.
- Never badmouth her mother. That’s her job. Just shut up and pay for dinner.
- It has to be HER idea.
- If her idea is bad, don’t correct her. Just give subtle hints of the right thing to do until she thinks the best thing to do was her idea in the first place.
- If #5 doesn’t work, just suck it up.
- Her money is her money and your money is her money.
- Pursuant to above, all your bad purchases are bad, all hers are good.
- There WILL be an ex who is better than you. Do not say “well then, why aren’t you with HIM?”. That will not help the situation. Just accept her comparing you to him and live with it.
- Just because she expects oral sex, doesn’t mean you will get any in return. Don’t force the issue if you still want to stick it in her.
- You WILL go to the mall and carry her shopping bags. All 300 lbs of them. You will NOT bitch. You will NOT tell her you’ll be in the pub getting drunk and she can swing by later.
- Movies will consist of chick flicks. If you want to watch horror, action or sports, that’s by yourself/with your buddies. If she likes action/sports/horror flicks, ask her to marry you. You wont’ find a better woman.
- She may be too tired to rub your back after you had a long day at work. You will NEVER be too tired to rub her feet after she’s spent hours at the mall with her girlfriends and her feet hurt SO much!
- You can work your ass off at work all day, but if you’ve done nothing around the house, you’ve done nothing at all. Be prepared for housework.
- You don’t win, ever. Period.
Seems a bit one sided, I know. But these are the lessons that life has taught me. If you are a man, you are the bitch. Take it, BITCH!
SUPER GIANT BIG HUGE ANNOUNCEMENT!
July 28th, 2010
Yea, I haven’t been around here. I’ve been working on some other projects. Like this one. And this one. And this one. And some other crap in the works. But that’s ok, because I came up with something to make up for my not being around here.
Are you ready for the SUPER GIANT BIG HUGE ANNOUNCEMENT????
Yea, thanks for getting all exited there. You, in the corner, wake up so I can tell you.
I MADE A MIND OF SPAZ E-BOOK!
One hundred and thirty one pages of somma the best crap here. And by best I mean the best of this blog which actually isn’t all that good, but you get the point.
This is also why downloading the book will cost you about the same as a cup of coffee. Or half the price of anything you buy at Starbucks.
It’s on my Dreaming of a Dollar site cuz I got the software there to do all this fun stuff. So, if you are interested:
CLICK HERE TO GET A COPY OF THE MIND OF SPAZ E-BOOK!
Thanks!
I’m Dreaming of a Dollar – You get free stuff.
July 22nd, 2010
This morning was much like any morning. Alarm went off at 6 a.m. I hit the snooze alarm only to realize that if I wasn’t at work at least an hour before my normal paid start time, there’d be hell to pay. The dog went out and refused to come back inside having found an old pigs ear she buried the month before. My folks called saying they needed this that and the other thing. I remembered all the other crap I had to do after work. Oh yea, a pile of unpaid bills on the kitchen table. The bank of Canada just announced yet another interest rate hike and last week the provincial government introduced a new ‘fuck the taxpayer up the ass’ tax.
I’m not whining. That’s what everybody has to deal with every stinking day. Whining friends, whiny co-workers, bullshit, everybody begging for what money you don’t have, an asshole government, and welfare lifers that have nicer shit than you do, the working stiff.
What a pile of flaming crack whores.
So I was thinking to myself “Spaz, if everyone gave you a dollar, it would mean nothing to them but you’d be rich enough to quit your day job and have a nice life and maybe even take a vacation. Man, that would be nice. A vacation.”
But how is everyone going to give me a dollar? Then the idea struck. I’d make a website!
But of course, the feds only approve of panhandling when you’re an unwashed street bum pretending to have the shakes playing an aging guitar with your tongue because you only have one hand. That way, no one can see you get into your Mercedes and drive to your McMansion after making another $500 in quarters, loonies and toonies that day. So if everybody was going to give me a dollar, I’d have to offer something in return.
That being said, I’m pleased to introduce my new site, Dreaming of a Dollar.com.
Yes, you too can give me a dollar, make me happy, and live vicariously through my happiness! So, what do you get for your dollar?
- An arcade with hundreds of games
- An interactive casino
- A REALLY cool interactive route finder which takes you on a virtual tour of your driving route
- A bunch of other cool shit.
And what do you get for free?
- A chat room
- Two blogs, one of which features demotivational posters by yours truly
- And a chat room. Wait, I think I said that.
- And more to come.
Oh, and coming soon you will be able to get the mindofspaz ebook right from that site, due to the nature of the much more powerful software, so stay tuned for that.
I want everybody to go there! Hey, I’m offering a FREE SUBSCRIPTION to anyone who helps me promote the site. That would include one or all of the following:
- add a link to your blog/website
- tweet about it
- blog about it
- facebook about it
Just email me at mindofspaz@gmail.com with the subject line ‘dreaming of a dollar’, let me know how you helped and I’ll set you up with a free subscription to Dreaming of a Dollar.
Thanks guys, you’re the best, and on one of the DOAD blogs you’ll get to hear all about my adventures trying for my freedom.
Love,
Spaz
My friends Son.
July 13th, 2010
My friends son calls me uncle Mike. My friends son is ecstatic every time he sees me. My friends son thinks the world of me.
My friends son is 5 years old. I cannot wait until he is older.
My friends son is at the exact height where every time he goes to hit me, it’s in the crotch.
Thanks William. Please grow a little more. I much prefer the gut shots.
Show me the love!
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