The Mind of Spaz

Thinker of topics not thought of. Taker of stances not taken. Clairvoyant to the point of stupidity. Monopolizer of conversations. Giver of atomic wedgies. All this and more, The Mind of Spaz.

Why? Because fuck you, that’s why!

politically incorrect

When I was in college, my clapped out old junky POS 1989 Plymouth Horizon needed an oil change. It actually needed several in the time period between this oil change and the last, but that’s the life of a broke student. I took it to this little corner mechanic who advertised $20 oil changes. After my vehicle was done, I wanted to pay by debit card. He only took cash or credit (I had neither) so I told him I’d walk to the nearby mall and use the bank machine there. He handed me my keys and told me to drive there. When I returned with his money, he was absolutely shocked. He told me he didn’t expect me to come back. Don’t come back? I was in shock too – I owed this man money. Who would not pay money owed?

Not to long after graduating college, I was working for barely over minimum wage for maximum hours. There was a little cafe near work I’d visit once or twice a week – so long in fact that they knew me by name and knew what I wanted. One day after being served I had finished my meal, and walked out, forgetting to pay. The next time I was there I told the cashier to charge me double because I’d forgotten to pay last time. She looked at me like I was some sort of alien. Why would I not want a free meal? I didn’t understand. I owed the restaurant money and a simple meal worth less than $5 made me lose sleep. I didn’t feel right until I paid.

Just the other week I was picking up some things for a BBQ at a friends. I was watching the cashier ring things through, and she forgot to ring in the butter tarts. I told her that she had forgotten them. She thanked me profusely, like being honest needs thanks these days? The lady behind me looked like I was a retard for mentioning it. What the hell am I supposed to gain for some free $3.00 butter tarts?

Here’s what I’ve learned from life. If you’re the nice guy, you don’t get ahead. If you’re the nice guy, people only keep you around because you are useful. If you’re the nice guy, the opposite sex will never go for you because apparently, being treated like shit is what they love. At least that’s what they’ll spend hours complaining to you about, because you’re the nice guy. You listen.

You only get ahead in life if you take the free oil changes, the free meals, and the free butter tarts. If you’re reliable, dependable and honest, your career will suffer, your social life will suffer, and almost everybody will use you.

To be frank, there are only two people on this planet that I’m not related to that give as much as they take. I only have two real friends, and I’ll take them.

So that’s the lesson here, kiddies. If you are young and you find yourself being nice and honest, stop it. Stop it right fucking now. Because you’ll have a shitty low end job and a shitty social life and you’ll be used and used and abused by everyone because THEY CAN. Be an arse, it’s better.

rant

I was bored this weekend, so I was watching TLC or whatever that is. I think it should be renamed to the women’s network number 2 but whatever.

Anyways they were doing this special on midgets or little people, which is the politically correct term of the day (who knows what tomorrow will bring).

One of the midgets was called a “primordial dwarf”, which basically means the kid was like 2.5 feet tall but was proportioned properly, which meant he weight something around 22 pounds. Just a wee little thing with a voice like helium! I wanted to steal him and sit him on top of a pot of gold and shine a rainbow light on him, but I digress.

So this little dwarf thing went swimming. While he was 2.5 feet tall and weight in at 22 pounds, he had, get this – normal sized nipples.

Can you imagine what normal sized nipples look like on a 22 pound man? HAHAHAHA omgomg it was so FUNNY!

Seriously! It was like two giant pieces of pepperoni on a tiny panzerotti! HAHAHA!

I’m so going to hell.

politically incorrect

Yea, I saved a school. Or just played to a troll. Whatever. Either way, you’re welcome.

dumb things I do to myself, good things

Don’t piss off fast food workers. Usually they are young and disrespectful, and if they are lifers, possibly old and bitter. They get paid minimum wage and have no fear of getting fired for retribution. Case in point:

politically incorrect, rant, social commentary, talking out of my ass