The Mind of Spaz

Injustice. It is all around us right? Everybody feels they have some sort of injustice committed against them for one reason or another.

Feminists.  Rabid, flaming upset feminists.  Once upon a time, here in Ontario, a feminist noticed that if a man walked around without a shirt on, it’s ok. But if a WOMAN hung her boobs out, it was indecent exposure!

Well, this just cannot do! After all, only the MAN considers breasts a sexual organ.  Breasts are meant to feed babies, and if it’s hot out, then a woman should be able to take her shirt off too!

On and on droned the rabid lesbians feminists, bugging our overly liberal government who obviously had nothing better to do, you know, like eliminating the deficit or reducing unemployment.

And lo, the Ontario law was passed allowing women to hang their boobs in the breeze.

So after the law was passed, I believe that there was one nasty biker chick to expose her boobs on the back of a harley, maybe twice ever.

What a fucking waste. I call injustice!

After all the hard work that the disgusting bulldykes women’s lib movement did to free their masses, why have I not seen a single hanging boob?

I propose a call to justice! Remove your shirts and bras! Free women of the united states, come to my Province and bare your chest (in a non sexual manner, of course!).

Don’t make the women’s injustice league hypocrites.  You have a right to bare breasts, now lets’ see those udders ladies!

Thank you in advance.

politically incorrect, social commentary boobs, hypocrits, injustice, rabid feminists

As of late I’ve been thinking of how to improve the world and make things better for my fellow man. Please see A use for the Morbidly Obese for an example of this.  I don’t know why I now suddenly care after 31 years of being a complete jerkhole (yes, I came out of my mothers vaj a jerk, just ask the doctor I pee’d on).

Maybe it’s my old age, maybe I’m mellowing, I don’t know. I just care.

It’s not the super morbidly obese that has no use (until the war).  No, it’s also the ultra impossibly skinny, AKA super models.

These girls starve themselves so much that at one time they may have been attractive, but come on guys. Who wants to fuck a toothpick?  REAL women have hips, boobs, butts and thighs, which is a quality all of these super models lack.

As a matter of fact, super models look and are built like 12 year old boys.  So who the fuck decided what was attractive in a woman, Micheal Jackson? Seriously.

So now you have a group of women who have no actual skills, are spoiled rotten with servants and bottled water and such, and have a physique that won’t allow them to pick up a Kleenex to blow their nose with.  So what possible use do these women actually have?

I’ll tell you what.  Weather kites.

That’s right. Instead of filling a balloon with helium and launching it into the heavens, just strap the instruments to their hollowed out stomachs and a string to the ankle, and launch them into the wind.

Because if you can train a monkey to open doors and put away the dishes, then you can train a super model to lean to the direction scientists want and relay pertinant information.

With an only semi dumb weather kite, it’ll be no time until scientists have enough information to accurately predict tornadoes and the such.

And the best part?  A small bag of brown rice will feed these kites for YEARS.

Your welcome.

politically incorrect, social commentary boobs, dumb, kites, michael jackson, super models

There are certain people that shouldn’t run, ever.  They need to know they can’t run, and they should not run when they don’t need to.  As a matter of fact, if they are dumb enough to put themselves in the situation where they need to run, they should just die instead.

I said it. People who shouldn’t run should die instead of running. Yea, you heard me right.

I came to this conclusion today, at a cross walk in one of my local towns.  The rules are explicit and known at these crosswalks: Pedestrians first. Everyone knows that.  If a pedestrian puts the lights on the crosswalk, you come to a screeching halt or Constable Inbred will have you in jail.

And you do NOT want to be in Constable Inbreds jail.  Weird things happen in there.

So there I was, driving down the road to see the pedestrian lights come on. I stop, and I see Mulu the land manatee starting to cross the road.

She was HUGE! As wide as she was tall with a mug that even a walrus mother couldn’t love.  It was then it happened. For some reason she decided that she needed to hurry across the road. Why, I don’t know, it’s a narrow road, and nobody in this town was in a hurry, especially me, the municipal worker.

As it happened, Mulu was going free range under her shirt. That’s right boys, she was braless.  I don’t know if it is because she just doesn’t give a shit, or because her tits are just too big to be harnessed by anything man has yet created.

The resulting effect is her long, flat, 400 lb udders started bouncing.  They didn’t jiggle like normal boobs, they bounced. And with every tremendous step, they bounced higher and higher.

Thunder thighs built up quite some speed for her tremendous bulk, and did those udders ever get flying!

And by flying they started smacking her right in the face. That is NO joke.  Smack smack smack! Right in the face, SMACK!  And they would slap off her huge gunt too. SLAP SMACK. SLAP SMACK. SLAP SMACK.

And then she got to the other side of the road and the SLAP SMACK stopped as she slowly decelerated.

What. Five hundred pounds of woman can’t come to a stop from a full gallop right like that. I’m pretty sure the shock wave would destroy half of Ontario.

But I tell you, those kind of women sure can give you the stink eye when you’re laughing hysterically at them.

‘Nuff said.

politically incorrect, social commentary boobs, fat woman, manatee

Not much to see here today, but I thought I’d leave you with this short tidbit of information:

Boobs are liars.

You heard me, breasts lie.  No, I’m not high and hearing things again, which is a good thing.  You can only use annebriation as an excuse in a sexual harrasement case once.

Don’t get me wrong. I LOVE boobs. Little ones big one small once swingy ones pointy ones round ones well, you get the picture. Boobs are just awesome.  It’s just that there’s an element of deception.  Let me explain with pictures.
Boobs harnessed in bra:

Once boobs have been removed from bra:

For example.  And that’s all I’m saying.

talking out of my ass boobs, breasts, liars, ta ta's, tits, titties

Back in the day a men’s washroom was where men

pee’d, poo’d, farted and boasted about all the women they didn’t actually screw.  This is the sanctuary for men to do all the things we’re not allowed to do in front of the women folk, because it’s a men’s room.

A men’s room as in no women allowed. You women have your own room to insert your tampons and quiff and poot or whatever it is you do.

So imagine my surprise, as I’m at the urinal with my dick in my hands, when a woman come into OUR room.

And yes, I did say dick in my HANDS.  I have the opposite problem of moooooog.  It’s a nice problem to have.

But back to the topic at hand.

Ha! Topic at HAND.

You see what I did there?

Anyways.

There are WOMEN in the mens room and I got my cock out.  It’s not like I can stuff it back in my pants because I’m peeing at the time.

You CANNOT stop midstream.  That’s impossible.  Well you can, but it feels like a billion bee’s poking at your bladder, just about ready to sting you to death.

So naturally, I FREAK! WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING IN HERE! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ROOM NOW!

Actually, my reaction was more along the lines of ‘ummmm?’.

Yea, I’m such a hard ass.

I mean, if she was hot I might have risked the sexual harresment charge.  Hey, she was invading man territory, and that sends a clear signal.

Just as clear as a woman wearing a push up bra and a low cut top.  When she gets pissed at you looking down her cleavage, what she’s really saying is “I’ll meet you behind the bleachers later.  Bring a condom”.

But she did not look hot at all.  She was UGLY.  She looked like mooogs therapist.  Mooog has a picture of his therapist, so you can understand what I’m talking about.

Thank you mooog, your graphics make it easy.

So I say “ummm?”

She screams and leaves.

Apparently, the building manager was hosting a walk through so cleaning people could bid on the contract.  Apparently this woman thought the men’s room was empty, despite the building being full of over caffinated engineering types.

Silly, silly girl.

If there’s a moral to this story, I guess it’s this:

Always carry a domer in your wallet just in case the english as a second language cleaning lady walks in on you draining the main vein and she’s actually hot.

And carry a stun gun in case she looks like moooogs therapist and still wants some.

‘Nuff said.

social commentary, talking out of my ass boobs, mooooog, pee, penis, sluts, ugly chick, woman in men's room