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Posts Tagged ‘Bullshit’

What do Women/Men Want?

November 19th, 2009

It was once said that a man finally figured a woman out, but died laughing before he could tell anybody.

HA!

While that is somewhat true, I think I’ve figured something out, at least in response to relationships.

You see, women want two things:

  1. A douchebag to date that treats her like shit.
  2. A guy that is a ‘friend’ that is a great guy, treats her right and would do anything for her, and would date her in a second.

Then, while dating #1, she will complain bitterly to guy #2 about what a dick she’s dating and why guys can’t be more like him. Except she won’t date him.  He’ll ask and she’ll laugh at him. She’ll be totally oblivious to why guy #2 is horribly depressed and has a shitty life.  She’ll give him even more mixed signals such as cuddling with him at the movies or showing him how her boobs look in her new pushup bra. Later, she’ll go fuck guy #1 and then call guy #2 to complain about how he “never cuddles afterward”.

Guy #2 will kill himself and she’ll wonder why.

Now, on to the men.

Men want a great ass, killer tits and open legs.

And that my friends, is why we are doomed as a species.

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talking out of my ass , , ,

Bullshit is the Answer

April 15th, 2009

There’s got to be a way. There just HAS to be a way.  We’re quickly running out of energy for our necessities.  Every year more and more people have to turn down their air conditioners and make it a degree warmer in their homes.  Their in ground pools have to be slightly cooler.  People actually have to wait until their dishwasher is full to run a load and WHY?

Because we’re quickly running out of energy, that’s why!

No, it’s not that we just have too many people that consider luxuries necessities. No, that’s not it at all.  We have to scrounge for new energy source to power all of our electric golf carts or over powered home entertainment systems.

How will we ever live without these things that make live livable? HOW!

It’s blatantly obvious how we’ll do that. We have to harness something that’s in abundance, something that humans have lots of and will never run out of.

We have to harness the power of Bullshit.

Think about it. It’s the one thing that we, as humans, have more of than anything else and will never, ever run out of.

Take stranger danger for example.   Now a days, parents spend MILLIONS on child tracking technology. Countless nerve wracked hours are spent worrying about the creepy guy with the trench coat and the 80′s van who’s coming to snatch your child away for SURE! I mean, who cares about the statistics saying that only 1% of child abductions are from strangers and you really should spend more time worrying about creepy old Aunt Janice who won’t stop touching your kid in their no-no places.

See? LOTS of bullshit.

Or so called “environmentalists”. Yea, the earth is warming up and it’s all our fault. Ok, it’s not the hippie environmentalists tard who drives a hybrid car. Hybrid cars will save the planet you know. Even though with the extra parts, batteries, manufacturing and shipping they actually burn way more oil than the average econo car as far as lifetime amounts. No, the earth is warming up all because of people with SUV’s and McMansions.  Not only are we warming the planet, but we’re influencing the rest of the solar system too. We’re melting the polar ice caps on Mars and our greenhouse gasses are also causing the outer gas giants to become more luminescent.

See? Just TONS and TONS of bullshit here for the taking!

Oh, and then there’s the oil companies sucking off the proverbial penis’s of the government. Here we are in a recession.  How does my local government handle it? They spend twenty million dollars on a new twin pad arena! So five hundred little turds can play hockey while their moms and dads lose their jobs. Oh yes, there will be jobs. Another ten to run the arena, paid for by the people who can’t pay their taxes anymore because they’re NOT working.

Of course, we HAVE to burn more oil and coal to generate more electricity. It’s not like the wind alone has the potential to provide just about six times the amount of electricity that we currently use on the planet today. Not to mention tides, waterfalls, and ocean and river bottom currents.

So yes, it’s a good idea to waste our money on hockey arena’s and power our crap with old dead plants and animals. We wouldn’t want to open up factories to produce wind generators and tidal generators, employing millions and millions for production, installation, and maintenance.  We don’t want clean energy and we most definitely want the oil companies to fuck us up our asses just a little bit more.

The amount of bullshit here alone could power Al Gore’s huge home, heat his pool, and keep his private jet flying non stop around the globe.

So let’s have our scientest stop such things and studying the reproductive habits of the common gray squirrel and learning how to create a better child monitor for you twelve year old. Instead, they should be working on how to harness the power of bullshit for a better and cleaner tomorrow.

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rant, social commentary , , ,