Holy Fatman!
According to a study I read somewhere and I couldn’t be bothered to share with you, 69% of Americans are severely obese and 30% or so are considered morbidly obese.
Is that all? I thought there was more.
Regardless, it makes me feel much better about the 10 or 15 extra lbs I’ve been carrying around ever since being gainfully employed and bogged down by a stupid mortgage.
See, but I don’t understand. I don’t understand how you can’t stop eating after your belly reaches your knees. Why are you still popping entire pizza’s with a case of cola chaser when you’ve developed boobs on your back? Why is the chocolate almond bin at Bulk Barn your best friend when your biggest chin reaches your collarbone?
Don’t you think your inability to find clothes that fit would be your first signal to cut back?
Ahh, but there’s the rub. Rub as in what your thighs do, fatty. Not only are your heart attack, stroke and death laden body types now socially acceptable, but clothing is now made to accomodate. That’s right, front asses are now sewn into jeans.
The chinese clothing factory workers must think North America is full of Godzilla’s or some shit.
You know that pretty girl with the size 4 body, perfect thighs, perky tits and legs that go from here to the moon? You know those skimpy shorts she wears, those tank tops, those half shirt thingies that go over the skin tight shirt thingies that I have no idea what are called but look so good on our size 4 girl?
WHY THE HELL ARE YOU MAKING CLOTHING LIKE THAT IN MORBIDLY OBESE SIZE?
Come on. Seriously. Jiggling limbs and cellulite don’t look good. Being able to see the folds through the tight shirts is just mortifying. Yet there you are, all morbidly obsese, waddling down the street like you’re king shit.
When did everybody get the idea that this kind of fat looks good? If you’re unable to understand that in almost every case if the calories in are higher than the calories out, you’re going to get fat. And excess fat to the tune of morbid does not look good. At all. Probably because it’s incredibly unhealthy.
The fat acceptance movement is the biggest case of denial I’ve EVER seen.
So if you go to the zoo and the keepers try to throw you in the hippo enclosure, wear a moo moo.
Because that’s the only thing you should be wearing.
And FYI – wearing all black clothing will never have a slimming effect on you, ok? So just give it up.
