The Mind of Spaz

Is it ok to laugh at retards?

Yes. Yes it is.

‘Nuff Said.

politically incorrect douchebags, idiots, retards

We all know what a handicapped sign is. Such as shown to the left.  You see that sign on a car or in a sticker in the car window and you know the person isn’t as able as you.  But wait a minute.  The person came back to their car and they weren’t in a wheelchair. They weren’t even limping!  They were some sort of handicapped that left you all dizzied and disoriented because the sign TOLD you they were in a wheel chair.

This kind of cock punch must stop. How are we, the able bodied people, know how to deal with, and properly react to, the type of handicapped that these people have?

That’s why I propose a new system that gives handicapped signs to people to tell others what kind of handicap they have.

Observe:

Staunch Republican:

Staunch Democrat:

Mommy Blogger:

Bank Manager:

Menopausal Woman:

Feminist:

Virgin:

Super Model:

Welfare Lifer:

Stupid Freeloading Hippie:

Gang Member:

Crazy Cat Person:

Douchebag:

Depraved Pervert:

Please, everybody write your congressman so we can enact these new detail oriented handicapped signs.

It’s in everyone’s best interest.

politically incorrect douchebags, idiots, retards

Do you know what’s funny about Christians?  The same thing that’s funny about every other religion.  Every single religion claims to be right without proof.  They don’t need proof, all they need is faith. That doesn’t stop them from trying to push their “proof by proxy of old goat herders drunk scrawlings” off on you.  Of course, had these same people been born elsewhere, they’d be making the same arguments for a different religion.  Yea, beliefs based upon geography, that’s some real good shit right there, boy.

I don’t care if you believe that purple unicorns come flying out of your ass at night.  Don’t push your shit on me.  Don’t especially use that purple stain on your wall as proof, because we all know it’s from the time you hooped a jar of blueberry jam, forgot it was there, at some chili, and launched that thing into the wall at 100 miles an hour.

Does anybody remember Kirk Cameron from growing pains? Back then he was just a douche. Now, he’s a Christian douche. He goes around pawning off his weirdo psycho beliefs on people in any way, shape or form that he can. He’s kind of like herpes – once you let him into your life he never goes away for long, always popping up at the most inopportune times and generally just itching like hell.

Boy, am I glad I always used a condom.

Anyways, has anyone seen Kirk Cameron the Christian douche with his equally douchey buddy from New Zealand? These turds use a banana to prove god is real.  They call this the “atheists nightmare” By the way, does anyone see the irony that almost every single argument made for god could be made by ANY religion – so hey, why should we believe in yours?

Anyways, let’s watch this abortion of an “atheists night mare”.

So, the banana is specially made, by GOD, for human consumption eh? That would work really really well if humans ate ONLY bananas. But humans eat all sorts of other food too.  Let’s see how well our other common foods stack up shall we?

Wheat.

Yes, wheat. The wheaty goodness of wheat. There’s nothing more I like doing than running through a field of wheat for lunch, nibbling on this wheat or that wheat.  I especially like the way the wheat kernals get stuck in and sometimes crack my teeth. YUM! The flavour!

Chicken.

Chicken can be prepared in so many ways. Look at the perfect package the chicken comes in!  Claws and beak for poking your eyes out, wings for beating your face, and a gizzard full of poop.   My preferred way of eating chicken is biting it’s head off, watching it hop around, then picking up it’s lifeless body and sucking out all the juices. YUM!

Cow

Oh, this is by FAR my favorite!  That’s because a cow is like fifteen times heavier than I am. What I do is I find a cow and I start beating it with my fists. It takes three or four days to kill it with the weapons that GOD gave me, but it’s worth it in the end.  Twelve hundred pounds of cow feeds me for WEEKS.  Of course, by the second day the carcass has started to smell a little bit, and by day ten it’s kind of green and full of maggots, but maggots add FLAVOUR!

Fish.

Ahh, fish, a human staple. Look how easy GOD made it for us to get at them!  He put them in deep WATER!  No gills, never you mind!  Just dive into that lake or ocean and catch a fish with your teeth!  My preferred way for removing the scales is by rubbing the fish on my nut-sack.  Both the fish and my nut-sack come out shiny and raw after that, just the way GOD intended!

One final note, Kirk Douche.  You know that yellow banana that’s made perfectly for human consumption by GOD? Well, as it turns out, that particular banana was CULTIVATED by HUMANS so that it would not have any seeds. Without cultivation, banana’s would be green, and have all sorts of large hard seeds. Don’t believe me? That’s OK, I don’t believe you.  Here, have a look at this Wikipedia article.  They offer more proof of cultivated banana’s than you ever offered of the Christian god in the way that you worship him/her/it.

Douche.

politically incorrect douchebags, idiots, retards

Israel.  Palestine.  Stop it. Seriously. Stop it now. Stop acting like children.  If you don’t stop acting like children, you’ll get no Halwa after your Falafal.  Even if you eat your last scrap of hummus. I’m serious.

Let’s look at the issues here.  You both want the Gaza strip because you both feel that some ancient books written by goat herders who wanted control of other goat herders say so.

Hey Palestine.  You know those people who fire rockets into Israeli residential areas?  The people who you don’t “officially” support?  Except of course who get their weapons and funding from you. You know, the ones that hide behind women and children as they fire on Israeli soldiers? Yea, those people aren’t martyrs. They’re cowards. They also probably smell like B.O., poo and too much hot sauce. Maybe if they tried wiping their bums with things other than hot curries they’d be just a tad less angry.

Hey Israel.  I know you’re surrounded on all sides by hostile Muslims that hate your guts, your religion and want your land, but you know what? That little thing called Zionism isn’t helping any.  Yea, the Muslim belief that their religion isn’t violent but anybody who says it is shall die and anybody that isn’t a Muslim and doesn’t follow their law should die too. Yea, it’s ignorant.

Zionism is the Jewish equivalent. And it ain’t helping  the “peace” process.   Neither are those little curly hair things that you guys have growing on the side of your head. What is that shit, reins or something?

So, you guys both play like children, except with deadly weapons.  Palistine, you refuse to meet the enemy in an open field to prevent collateral damage. Hell, you even seem to enjoy collateral damage so you can make more “martyrs” for the cause to whip up even more unjustified emotional rage.  So Isreal finally launces bombs to stop the rocket attacks and car bombings and you say it’s unfair?

Whatever.  Both of you have earned some serious douchebag points.  Congradulations Isreal and Palistine, you are giant douchebags.  You’re an even bigger douchebag than a blogger that sells their blog on the condition they still write – and don’t.

So I’m going to make a proposition to you both, and I ask the worlds militaries to help out. You know, in a “do this or we’ll nuke you” kind of way.

Since you both are douchebag children that like to play childrens games, we’re going to draw a line right down the middle of the Gaza strip.  This will be the line of Gaza scrimmage.

You’ll both line up along that line, and when the whistle blows, you’ll start pushing.

Where the line falls, is how Gaza is divided.

The first one to bring a gun, rocket, car bomb or F16 automatically forfeits.

And for fucks sakes, put on some deodorant.  It’s like a billion degrees up there and they’re will be about a half million of you.  At least be considerate of something, would you?

politically incorrect douchebags, idiots, retards