Bye Granny
My grandmother is a pretty amazing person. Well, she raised my mother and my psychotic aunt without jumping off a bridge after taking a wheelbarrow full of arsenic. That in and of itself is an accomplishment. Almost as much as being married to my psychotic aunt, which has turned my uncle into a babbling baboon, poor guy.
No wonder he smokes more pot than Bob Marley.
When she was a young girl her and her family escaped Bolshevik controlled Russia, a feat for Russian Jews at the time. The likelihood of their death was pretty damned high but they made it across the pond to safety and prosperity. I know you’re all wishing she hadn’t because I wouldn’t be here otherwise. Shut up and deal.
Now, at 90 years old, she’s on her deathbed. It really is a blessing as she’s been suffering from Alzheimer’s for a number of years. If you can look past my idiocy for just a minute, and you have a few dollars extra, please join me in donating to fight this horrible disease. With all the hooplah about cancer, aides, etc, sometimes a disease like Alzheimer’s is overlooked. I can tell you that in my opinion, this disease is the worst I’ve ever seen because it takes away your dignity. It has turned my grandmother from a strong woman who spit in the face of oppression to having to have her diaper changed and spoon fed like a two year old. Her dignity has been taken away and she’s been suffering for more than a decade, and she’s not the only one. Death is preferable. I think so and if she had any brain left so would she – but that’s the thing. Maybe she has a brain inside and is screaming inside from the torture of being trapped in a useless body. And THAT is the worst torture I can imagine.
When she goes, it is in the Jewish tradition to do something called Sit Shiva. It’s kind of like an Irish wake without alcohol and fun. It’s when people basically do everything for the bereaved. For me, that means picking up my sister from the airport and listening to her talk about her business selling rubber penis’s to horny women. Gross. It means trying to keep the peace between my psycho aunt and my father, who hate each other. Well, to be fair we all hate her but he hates her with a passion because of how she treats my mom. And it means making sure to keep my moms McMansion clean to her standards, which is anal clean. That’s even harder to do than you think, especially with my psycho family mucking things up.
In closing, below you will find a picture/link to an Alzheimer’s DVD on Amazon.com. I will get up to 15% commission for each copy sold through this site. I will match ANY commissions made from sales of this DVD from my blog and donate it to the Alzheimer’s Society of Canada for research to end this deadly disease. Um, I’ll match it up to $100, I work for the government which is a low paying job despite popular misconception! I’m hoping you guys will make that look silly. That would be nice.
Bye granny – I’m sorry we couldn’t help you but maybe we can help people in the future.
Thanks for helping guys! Spread the word if you can, facebook, twitter, social networking, whatever.
