Yea, I have a guy for that.
I hope everybody had a happy Christmas. Or Hanuka. Or Kwanzaa. Or Satan’s day, or whatever it is that you celebrate.
Hey, I won’t judge. But if you insist on slaughtering that goat, I’d appreciate if you didn’t do it in front of my nieces and nephews and took it to your basement or something. I’m looking at you, Satan day people! Oh you’re so wiley!
For christmas, my parents got me a “collect our mail and shovel our driveway while we’re gone”. Isn’t that nice of them? Whatever. They’re coming home to no food in their freezer or cupboards. My grocery bill has gone down to zero ever since I started stealing their food. The nicest part is eating steaks instead of hot dogs. Man, rich people sure know how to live!
We got a lot of snow. I mean a LOT of snow. If snow was cocaine you wouldn’t be hearing from me right now. I’d be getting treated for my deviated septum on my yacht. The white stuff was EVERYWHERE. I spent most of the weekend shovelling my driveway.
Monday rolled around and I got to my parents place. Because I’d been busy with my own thing, the snow had accumulated. There was almost two feet on their driveway, and the snowplough had created a scale version of the Andes moutain range at the end of it.
So, I took the shovels out of the back of my truck and set to work. An hour in, and I had cleared the moutain range and most of the walkway. You see, my parents live in a McNeighborhood, with their own McMansion and a giant 18 car McDriveway. This is the neighborhood of decadence. So their decadent neighbor came outside to watch me shovel.
The guy could NOT get over that I was clearing the driveway with a SHOVEL, myself. He asked me incredulously why I didn’t have a guy for that.
A GUY for that.
It must be nice to live the sheltered life of a rich guy. A guy to shovel drieways for me?
Right. I have a guy for that. Just like I have a guy to cut my grass, mow my lawn, do my gardening and clean my house.
When I told him I also had a guy to wipe my ass, he got all pissy and left.
Whatever.
I continued to shovel my parents drivway on to his. He can get his guy to come clean it off.
Douche.
