The Perch Plopper
It wasn’t my fault. How could I have known he would be so weak minded. I couldn’t have known. Although, if I did know, I still would have done it.
You see, I took a coworker to a hypnotist show. A real good one. I mean, this guy had a fat man in the crowd whip out his boobs thinking the place was a strip club and he was the main event.
I feel sorry for the poor guy who ended up wearing the fat man’s stained “panties”.
But I digress.
We all had a good laugh over my poor, simple minded co worker as the hypnotist convinced him he was a seagull. What a good show it was too, with this guy loudly saying ‘CAW! CAW!’ while pecking at french fries and chicken wing bones people started throwing at him. The hypnotist snapped his fingers and my friend was back to his normal self, no worse for the wear, and wondering why he was covered with bar food.
It wasn’t over. It was far from over.
You see, as the weeks went by we started noticing the drop ceiling at work. It seems that somebody started moving the tiles leaving open spaces at various locations. Every night the custodian would replace them, only to have more moved tiles at different locations the very next day.
Here’s the thing; My coworker still believed he was a seagull. I mean, he could function in the everyday but in the back of his head, he was a seagull.
One day it happened. He found the spot. The very perfect spot, with the very perfect target. It was in one of the managers offices. He was an uppity snob that had a bald head and always wore expensive suits, the very perfect victim of what was about to happen.
I watched the whole thing unfold. I heard the ‘CAW CAW!’. I saw the tile slide open. I saw the bare bum emerge, it’s owner perched on one of the drop ceiling supports, just like the bird he thought he was. And like it’s namesake, this human seagull LET FLY.
But it wasn’t any normal human poo. No, not at all. You see, it seemed that in order to most accurately reproduce the color and consistency of bird poo, our fine featherless friend had eaten nothing but yogurt for WEEKS.
Needless to say the reaction was priceless.
Yes, I will be buying a portable video camera for the next time. You’re welcome.
