Texting Retards
Children are dipshits. They really are, and it’s becoming a pandemic. An ever increasing number of children are becoming dipshits, and the sad part is, they do NOT grow out of it.
As a result we, as a society, have an every growing population of adult dipshits that have the minds of children and THAT is why we are doomed to failure and destruction.
Boy, aren’t I just a ray of sunshine or what? Moving on.
Every day when I pass kids, they’re doing this thing called texting. I don’t get texting. It takes you minutes to text what you could just call the person and say in mere seconds, all from the same device. It makes absolutely no sence whatsoever.
But the kids are all doing it! Moping along, heads down, looking at their phones, chubby little thumbs going a mile a minute. Now there’s a future burden on our hospital system. The people that sell tensor bandages are going to make MILLIONS with all the carpal tunnel.
What we have now is a bunch of texting zombies. They won’t stop to look while they’re crossing the street, moving through a construction zone or walking off a peer to drown to their deaths. If you can’t recognize danger and avoid it, then you are clinically retarded, and we need to help these retards.
I think I have a plan at how to help these retarded texting morons. I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking that I’m somewhat retarded and my plan is doomed to failure. Well, you’re right about me being somewhat retarded anyways.
Tonight I was taking the dog for a walk and trying to answer a text message. Hypocritical? Yes, but I send a total of three a week, not three every ten minutes like these dipshit kids. Anyways, as I was texting away the dog kept on walking, pulling me on our usual route through the neighborhood. And it’s then that I had a brilliant idea.
Blind people have seeing eye dogs to help mitigate their disability. Well, we could have dogs trained to help the people with texting disabilities.
Afraid your kid will walk into oncoming traffic in the freeway because of her texting disability? No problem. Attach the fully trained rover to their torso with a short lead and rover will keep them out of trouble!
It’s brilliant, absolutely and totally brilliant. In one fell swoop I’ve saved lives, created a whole new industry and tens of thousands of new jobs.
You’re welcome.
