Justin Bieber has a love child.
I’m not telling you where I heard this. I can’t tell you where I heard this or how personal my experience was. I can’t keep quiet about it either, it’s just too….juicy?
Justin Bieber isn’t a girl.
I know, I know, it’s a shock, right? That’s what I was thinking too. Then I thought that if Justin Bieber isn’t a girl, then he’s GOT to be gay, in that pre-pubescent “I’m not confused about my sexuality because it’s totally clear when I grow a pube I’m gonna be a homosexual” kind of way.
That’s not the case either, he’s just really effeminate like so many meterosexuals of today.
Toronto has a well known celebrity district. I happened to be there this weekend, walking around, taking in the sites, looking for b-list celebrities to make fun of because as an Engineering Technologist I make more money than them, when I saw something. Something unmistakable. It was Justin Bieber and Angelina Jolie. No shit, no joke!
My first thought was to whip out my camera and go all Papperazi on their ass’s. I should have done that because I hear these kind of pictures go for thousands. But they were in an alleyway talking, all hush hush.
You see, it seems Angelina had thought Justin was an impoverished street kid because of his disheveled appearance and lack of proper haircut. So, she took him into her home, fed him and bathed him. Of course, one thing lead to another and bathtime turned into fun time when she saw he wasn’t actually an infant.
They were discussing the results of a pregnancy test she just peed on in the alley.
Yes, celebrities would pee on things in an alley. They do the same things that you and I do when we’re drunk, my friends.
So basically what I’m saying, is that I think Justin Beiber may have got Angelina Jolie pregnant! No shit.
Now run my pretties, to the deepest and darkest corner of the interwebs with this info. Run!
