Petardia
Not long ago, my friends John and Etta wrote their respective pieces making fun of those eco terrorist freaks known as PETA. Who am I not to get on that bandwagon?
The most recent piece of brilliance from those Petards is to call fish “sea kittens”. Apparently, if you think of a fish as a kitten, you won’t want to eat it.
Makes me want fish even more!
The group I now call Petardia, or Petards for short, as a collective, wants us all to stop eating animals. I see three problems with this:
- We, as humans, didn’t spend thousands of years climbing our way to the top of the food chain to NOT eat animals.
- There is NOTHING like a nice, bloody piece of meat.
- And farming is environmentally friendly?
See, with number three, there is just SO many people on this planet that there would HAVE to be more farms. And I don’t know if anyone noticed, but NOTHING is allowed on a farm except for what is being farmed. If you’re anything, plant or animal, other than what’s being farmed, you might as well have just paved it over.
But don’t worry my dear readers, I have a solution that should satisfy the Petards.
Eating them.
The solution is perfect! I mean, you won’t be harming the millions upon millions of cows, chickens and pigs bred to be eaten. We can let them all wander off into the woods to starve to death and get eaten by predators!
No more animals getting killed. Not even sea kittens.
Best of all, extra farmland won’t be needed, leaving room for natural habitats like forests, plains, swamps, and Wal*Marts.
Personally, I might like my Petard BBQ’d. Slow roast those ribs. Speaking of roast, Petards come with lots of natural body hair, pre braided, you can use to wrap the Petard roast in. For extra flavour, try wrapping a smaller Petard inside a larger Petard before putting it in the roasting pan.
But whatever you do, make sure you cut around the part where all the drugs they take are collecting. If you take that you might just start thinking that “sea kittens” was one hell of a great marketing plan.
‘Nuff Said.
